Angry at parents for giving birth to me

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Caska, May 19, 2010.

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  1. Caska

    Caska Active Member

    I am very angry at my parents for giving birth to me. Is this a normal feeling? I hate being alive so much, that I hate them for this. I want to kill them both for doing this. If it were not for them, I would not have to endure the pain of being alive. I feel true anger and hatred towards them.
     
  2. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    Had your parents been able to look into the future before conceiving you, it would be rational to blame them. Since that possibility isn't there, your hatred is unfounded. Not only that, the maliciousness you are holding onto is just a hindrance. Unless you learn to let go, and place anger where it needs to be, then you likely won't get very far.

    At your age, you should be over this by now.
     
  3. Caska

    Caska Active Member

    Where do I place the anger? There is so much anger contained within me. Yes, I understand what you are saying, though these feelings are more recent. Before this I had been concentrated only on killing myself, but until now, I never had the proper means. Now, I am within less than two months of obtaining my desired means, perhaps that has changed things. I also have certain desires to kill my parents, but also other people. However, most of the anger is directed inward. I have so much anger, I just don't know what to do with it. I feel the safest thing I can do is terminate myself.

    I see that I am very immature, and I don't really see myself changing. I think that it is best just to end this all. It is very much like when I start playing a video game, and I get off to such a terrible start, that it is impossible to fix. I think that is what my life is like, I have fucked it all off, and you know, maybe if I am dead, I can get another shot. If not, then oh well, but this one I have fucked up to all hell.

    I understand, no one on this board likes what I say or can relate to me, but that is OK, because I don't think in life people like me or can relate to me. So that is fine, which is why things must end, for me to stop and just leave.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 19, 2010
  4. despairguy

    despairguy Active Member

    Woo, ok hold on, hold the fuck on!
    First off, I think u already know that when 2 ppl are planning to have a baby, they don't plan to have a daughter or a son, they don't plan to have them with genetic diseases, or whatever, cos that happens randomly.
    I guess I can't calm ur hate and anger, but don't blame ur parents for bringing u to this life. I think the real problem is that u reject ur own reality, maybe u don't like the context in which u r living right now, ur society, etc.. I think that's the real problem here.
    There are many ways to control anger, and killing urself is not one of them. C'mon I want to end my life but I have hit rock bottom already. I even give myself many chances to change my own reality, and only after that, I took the desicion to end it all coz i can't help it. Please, try to do the same b4 making a tough desicion like that. Maybe things can look up again, if not... well then make up ur mind, let us know and probably we'll make u think things over or emotionally help u to control what u feel.
    All the best.
     
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    you need to get to a doctor and discuss how youre feeling..
    get a councelor or psychologist and talk about your anger...
    you don't need to die ....you have choices....
    we as parents have children with all the love and good intentions in the world and don't ever think there would be a reason for them to wish they hadn't been born....
    take care
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 19, 2010
  6. Caska

    Caska Active Member

    Hi despairguy,

    I am not sure what your problems are, but you are very intelligent. I am sorry you have hit rock bottom, if you want to elaborate, either here or in a pm, please do, because I am interested as I don't think you should kill yourself, because you are very perceptive and insightful. Maybe if you have tried, but I really hope you do not, because you seem like a very decent person.

    I would ask, if you can also please elaborate either here or in a pm on the notion that I have rejected my reality, because I think you are right, I just do not understand how I can change this. My mom says that my problem is that I have my own view of how the world works and I cannot adjust to the real world... She is right, but I don't feel that I have the tools to adjust to it.

    Yes, I don't like my reality, and I perceive that I cannot (or will not) change it. I think this creates problems, in the sense that when I don't like my reality, I cannot adapt.

    But, I am not sure how to get out of this, because my emotions swirl so much I have trouble controlling them or changing them. It is that swirling of emotions, constant anxiety (to the point that I start burning on my face and arms), that it is just so much, and I want to escape it. But, if I am posting on this forum, then I do want a way out without taking the ultimate way out. I just cannot imagine anything other than the current reality...

    Do I feel like I am at rock bottom? Emotionally I am close, otherwise perhaps Not yet, but I do feel close thre as well, and in the future all I can envision is myself hitting rock bottom, which I fear greatly. I feel that it is better to just stop things now, so that I never do hit rock bottom...Does that make sense? I have almost certainly destroyed my career, though the career counselor says I have not, but since I am paying him, I don't necessarily trust him.

    I am rambling and I am taking up valuable space, so I apologize.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 19, 2010
  7. Caska

    Caska Active Member

    Hi IV,

    When I move, I am supposed to go get treatment. But, I cannot discuss these feelings in treatment because I am afraid they will commit me :(. I have lost faith in anyone curing me because I have tried so many medications I have lost count... Anyway, sorry to bother you.
     
  8. despairguy

    despairguy Active Member

    yes, I'll send u a pm, but give me some time, I need to put my thought together first in order for u to understand me. I'm not a native speaker of english and I'm quite sleepy so I want to write a perfect english text. I'll let u know a little story, just give me some time and u'll get a pm of me within an hour.
    thx for ur comments btw ^^
     
  9. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    please still get more treatment..change meds...up the dose..
    and far better to be off to hospital with a chance at a better life than dead and gone forever..
    take care..
     
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