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angry ex...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by wonderer, Mar 22, 2010.

  1. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    I've recently (2 or 3 weeks ago) started seeing someone new. So far we've kept it secret because we both have a lot of mutual friends with my ex boyfriend. We were talking last night about telling people soon, and I'm so freakin' scared. I'm scared that, as soon as we start telling people, it'll eventually get back to the ex and idk what he's going to do. I'm really scared he'll come to my house - I live alone, and if I have to I'll call the police on him, but I don't want to have to do that. I don't *think* he'll physically hurt anyone, but I'm afraid he'll be emotionally hurtful or that he'll hurt himself. He was suicidal a few months ago, and from what I've heard he's still a mess.

    I'm so worked up over this that my stomach's been tying itself in knots. The current bf and I can't keep this a secret forever, and he doesn't want to keep it a secret too much longer. I'm both really scared, and feel really guilty because if I hadn't been with my ex none of this would be happening now. I also feel horrible because my ex was ok when we started dating, but by the time I broke up with him really isn't in a good place anymore.

    Any suggestions here would be much appreciated. I can't think straight right now, I've got too many emotions going on right now, and I'm really scared of what the outcome of this will be. Thanks for reading folks.
  2. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    first of all, i doubt that you are responsible for putting you ex in that "dark place", so don't feel guilty

    i think you need to be open sooner rather than later so that your ex can see that you've moved on

    don't know your ex so i can't predict how he will react, but i doubt that waiting will make it any better
  3. spyke

    spyke Well-Known Member

    get it out in the open

    if he reacts badly then it's a matter for the police and for him to get help for his issues not yours

    no one can say it was your fault that he's in the "dark place" that he's in now but then again no one can say it's NOT your fault either or you didn't contribute to it

    the question you need to ask yourself is are you going to be a responsible adult and accept that you may have been the cause and get on with it or are you going to ignore all responsibility completely either way is normal i guess

    getting on with your life however is a priority as it should be to him as well although thats being slightly idealistic

    is it a close friend of his or just that they would know each other mutually

    from experience there's nothing that fans the flames of hatred like some ex getting with your friend or someone you know it's always easier to hear they're with a stranger as it can naturally seem like a betrayal and a double loss when it's a friend that takes over from you and can make you feel inadequate compared to them

    this may seem silly but it's just how most guy's think "it's all a competition"

    i won't lie to you he probably hates your guts and may always feel that way for that matter you just need to accept that and try and get on with your life dwelling on it won't make your life any better

    you decided to split so your best bet is to just stop thinking about him on all levels outside of being generally a (can't mention it don't want to offend by proxy) to him and disrespectful

    again though can't really say much more without details about the situation
  4. wonderer

    wonderer Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I know, I'm just really hoping it doesn't get to that point. Nothing good will come of that, so I'd rather avoid that particular situation if its possible.

    thats a hard one to answer. They met through me, but ended up living together for a year. Apparently it sucked and they never talked, but since my breakup, they've been talking a lot. Basically, they don't particularly *like* each other, but they interact on a regular basis.

    He's such a disaster right now that I can't even figure out what he's thinking. In January, he told me (through someone else :-/) that he never wanted to speak to me again. Two weeks ago, he randomly starting trying to talk to me, and then two days after that, asked me if we could get back together... I said no, and not to ask me again. We've talked once or twice since then. At this point, its such a rollercoaster ride and I just want it to be stop. If he hates me, thats fine. If he doesn't talk to me, thats fantastic, it makes life sooo much simpler. If he shows up on my doorstep though, that'd be bad.

    Thanks for reading, and sorry for the long post! Things are just on my mind :-/