just a word of warning. im just unleasing some steam n the steam likes to swear... alot. so ye. fucking pissed off. not even tht. im beyond tht. im shaking, i cant even be botherd tryin to type proper doin this. so just bare with me. id liek to take you all back to couple months ago. youve found your soulmate. hes amazing, handsome, intelegent and most of all hes saved your life by understanding you can tlking to you. perfect right? then i start goin out n getin a life. tryin to be the old me before my selfish dad died. so obviously im not online as much and i often dont hear/feel my phone going off with a text. so i cant reply. so he gets alil worked up about it which is fair enough. but now hes jsut going way ott. apparently im constantly on games just to ignore him. he thinks i someone else one here who i hardly tlk to is 'the one' instead. i hope he reads this coz hes need to get a reality check. i know life is bad. and my life aint amazing either but now hes blames everything on me. i have to tell him exactly what to do or he thinks i dont love him. if im just neutral to an idea n just tell him to do what he wants he throws a tantrum. i have offered him everything he wants. and hes just taking all the good stuff then throwing the shit back in my face n making me feel even worse. and it lots of lil insignificant things. like not txtin back. playing a game a few times ( just to fuckin escape reality. i finaly found something tht gets my mind offa cutting myself into tiny pieces and he has ago at me for it). i wudnt mind bt he doesnt say anything till its too fuckin late. he doesnt tell me anything thts goin on till hes tryin to kill himself. n most of the time its my fault!!! i feel guilty as fuck even though i know i shudnt. i shudnt have to carry his weight along with my own and every other fuckers! im gettin fed up of it. hes like my BF. i hate to say it but right now he is. hes too coward to say anything to my face. we never tlk anymore wen we both are online together. and anything thts wrong is blamed on me. im not even sure if hes the one after all tht shit. would my soulmate realy do that to me? blame me for him not even trying? for me going because he triggers me sometimes? im trying to look after myself before him. im selfish and a hypocrit. i acknowledge and deal with it. i need tot look out for me and my brother before anyone else. that goes for everyone else on here, unfortunatly. tho when im not sick anymore il come here and help others. because youve all helped me. i jsut dont know wot to do anymore. im so angry n heart broken tht the guy i thought loved me blames me for anything n everything. n its not my fault. im trying to rebuild my life n i cant because then he gets upset. n i love him so much even through all of it. n thts what hurts the most...... :cry: could do with some loving cuddles.