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Angry today.....

Hi all,

I'm just writing this all down, because i may go insane today!

I'm so angry, so angry that my dad thought he could escape his sadness, but yet dump all his crap on us.... I went and sat in his study at the weekend and was thinking about all the good things and the happy things and the memories we all had as a family and i just dont get it.....

I've been angry since day one. I was angry the minute i heard he had done what he done. and i was angry with the way he did it as well (dont worry, no details will be written)..... He wasnt thinking about who would find him, he wasnt thinking about how it would affect anyone. He never gave us a chance to help him.

He's a selfish man............
It's normal to be angry. Once the stunned numbness passed when my dad died, I was SO angry with him for bailing without even a note...! People may tell you not to be angry, but being angry never never lessens how much you love your dad--it just means you're angry with what happened to him.
I've nothing more to add to the above - other than my sympathies - you know I'm always just a PM away.

The one thing I would say - is that suicide is a selfish act done by not necessarily selfish people...
Chris, you are so right. My father was the most Selfless man i ever knew. He didnt know how to say no, and would risk his life for anyone (he was a fireman for 30+ years)......

It just hurts that at the end he didnt think about us at all....


Staff Alumni
Hi BlueButterfly,

My father was a fireman for 30 years as well. While he did not, one of his best friend and colleague killed himself as well. Its a very difficult profession where a big chunk of dealing means sheltering your family from what you are going through emotionally. Often people who made a career helping others do not know themselves how to ask for help. Your anger is natural and legitimate. I hope you will eventually make peace with yourself and your father action. Feel free to pm me.
My Dad was a retired fireman for over 25 years, while retired from the service for so long now . . . . . I am 100 % genuine here as I have trouble putting 100% faith in honesty in these online blogs as there is some sick folk out there !!!!!!!!!

There seems to be a theme of service people taking there own lives, maybe because of the things they see in their careers , or the control , regemented life they are so used too ??!?!?!

I'm now just so numb, I will be speaking at he s funeral, while I will talk very highgly of him,resentment is there also. Just read a mail from a family friend who isnt happy with him saying he s left the family in the mire . . . while this is true emotionally . . . . My Dad wasnt the man we all knew to admire and love, something took hold of he s mind, I want to learn and try to understand this , as it is a disease?

He did so so much for other people that i can forgive him for wanting peace, but will always live with why couldnt he ask for help and why didnt i see and do more?

HELP !!!!!
Jackrussell, do not blame yourself for not seeing what your dad had planned; he did not want anyone to figure it out. You could not know how he was feeling, and could not prevent his acting on it if he did not want you to.

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