Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Hache, Mar 13, 2014.

  1. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    Lately I have felt very angry. Not flipping out at anyone or anything, internal anger, in my head.

    I moved away to do a 1 year course thinking it would throw me into a good social scenario and lift me once again.

    Turns out no, everything and everyone here has destroyed my every belief in myself and the world.

    It turned out that people who I would get to hang out with at first would find their own way, move to their own path, their own people, we were all just using each other, acquaintances, to find other people, to fill the void. Everyone's moved on and I am left standing here with nothing and no one, not a single real friendship, certainly no relationship.

    I am livid.

    The course itself has been demoralising to say the least, piss poor standard of teaching, a load of shit.

    Everyone and everything has made me question what the fuck is the point then? I thought I could be king of the world again, but no I am not good enough for anyone here, I am small, insignificant, I need to change the person I am. Fuck off.

    The main way out is death.

    I am angry, I can't sleep, I'm angry, I can't think to do the work I need to because I am angry.

    I am with shit people, who have shit on me, I have nothing in common with them, I have no leads to new friends, new relationships.

    I need an immediate change, I am angry, yet the only immediate change is suicide.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    use the anger to propel you in to doing something that is positive for YOU use the energy from the anger at least that is what i try to do as i do not have much energy these days
  3. Hache

    Hache Well-Known Member

    That would be good to harness it. But I genuinely do not know in what direction. I have a lot of school work right now and anger prevents me from submerging into the topic.

    I spend my days on the internet, I am addicted to facebook because it is the only place I have social interactions, yet that stupid site is full of reminders of how much of a failure I am. Fueling the anger, so much is fueling it right now.

    I don't like it, I have been calm and never really had anger all my life, now I have permanent pain in my brain.

    I need help from friends to do something to release the anger, but the only friends I have are refusing to do anything until all their work is done, which will take at least 3 weeks, sad as fuck, there are 7 days in a week, at least fucking do something once a week. I am going to explode.

    I can't cope with the pain it hurts :( :(
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Maybe consider anger management therapy. Or some form of sport (boxing is a good one) in which to learn to channel aggression and use it wisely.

    The pain you are feeling is not one that cannot be resolved. But it may be consideration of needing to put a change path in place rather than expect an immediate change. If you are that disgruntled with the course/teaching methods - how about a simple conversation (not a "shout the odds" manner - that rarely works) - with the teacher/lecturer/professor (however they define themselves) about why it's not working.

    You're grumbling about people moving on and how you haven't - I've been in a similar situation via college rather than university - but I'm aware that it isn't impossible to get around. Focus on what you want to do and where you want to be. Do you want to really be stuck with the pain and anger that you're currently harbouring? More than likely you do not (a presumption - I know, but an educated one) - so in order to achieve that, you need to get yourself a plan, with the aid of another being whether it's a doc/therapist or another teacher - rather than try and handle it all at once.

    And I'd recommend setting yourself limits on facebook. If it is only fueling the anger - it is not helpful and needs to be reduced...