I was'nt really sure where to type this i guess it doesnt really matter its just a bunch of useless words that dont really matter thought that make no sense. I hate the person im becoming im a complete bitch to people sometimes but i dont want to be i have this anger inside of me and sometimes i take it out on the wrong people. I ignore people so they wont speak to me, ask me questions that i cant answer fuck it i hate this shit. Why wont someone put me out of my misery im sure even the people on here are sick of my constant complaning its all i ever seem to do. I hate living in this fuckin house im so desperate to leave i dont know what im so scared of. I wish i would die i want to fuckin die i say the same shit over and over again and nothing changes. I thought a person was meant to feel better talking about things i dont feel any better. My life is so pathetic and meaningless i dont know what the fuck the point is. I want to find that person i used to be where the hell has she gone? I feel like im 16 again living here im trapped in this hell hole im so scare that one day im going to lose the plot and hurt someone else im scared my anger will get so bad that il lose control. I can feel the anger inside me and i do control it but what happens if one day i cant and i hurt someone else? So maybe you will all laugh and think im a teenager even though im not (no direspect to any teens) but im so fuckin angry today, fuck it i may aswell tell you all why...For weeks my work place has been planning a night out and i really want to go my fuckin parents wont let me go they wont even think about the idea, everyone keeps asking why am not coming what do i fuckin tell them? i lie of course as i always do i smile at them and lie say im busy, i cant tell them my parents wont allow me to go they would laugh and i dont blame them. It sounds so petty and stupid but i have to sit there and lie to people make up excuses i hate fuckin lying to these people, they all sit there and make plans laugh and joke and i sit there pretending to listen all im thinking about is going to the bathroom to cut my arms, thinking of ways to kill myself. I cant fuckin deal with this no more i just want to be normal to be allowed to make my own choices, people to stop controlling my fuckin life. I dont have a life i do the same shit everyday i count the days to nothing. Im bored so why the fuck am i here for? Im tired of living in this hell hole im sick of this shit. I want to fuckin die i dont know what to do i cant find no one to help me im so scared of what i might do one day. I spend my days crying i dont know what to do im so fuckin lost and alone i sound so silly but i need help i want to kill myself.