Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Mar 8, 2015.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I've a pretty big one coming up soon. It seems like there are always lots of dates and events in my mind all the time. Anyway I said a few years ago when my other half left, that I would too. ITs more about being unable to get out of a cycle of crap. Good day, bad day, okay day, miserable day etc. And it seems I can't move forward or onwards or whatever. One thing triggers another and then im a mess all over again. This is rediculous and no way to be. It's no ones fault but my own and I wonder if really i just want to be like this. I don't think the answer is yes. I really don't. But jesus somrthing has got to give at some point. I'm scared of th next couple of weeks and knowing how I feel now, I wish I could get out of it all. :(
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Anniversaries are hard no matter how long it has been hun I am sorry all the triggers bring you so much sadness still. NOT you fault ok and you are moving forward you just cannot see it ok you are having some good days not all bad don't be so hard on you ok hugs
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks for responding TE.
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I know exactly what you mean, and it seems the older I get the more anniversaries there are.
    Some are people leaving and others people dying.
    Either way they are times of sadness.
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks Terry, yeah.

    It's a tough night tonight. Can't sleep for the last couple of days, or hardly. Just a tough, rough time.
  6. Luie

    Luie Well-Known Member

    I find it worthwhile to invest in a pocketful of sleeping pills for those particular nights.
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I don't know where to post or why I even am.

    Tonight is the night, in a couple of hours - so really it's tomorrow's date. Horrendous thoughts, visuals, feelings that just won't dissipate. Especially not right now. There are many things I have regrets for. I can't do anything about them. Nor about the situation - it is what it is.

    That doesn't change how I am feeling. Alone. Dark. Overwhelmed with sadness. And much thought about how to keep going, yet again. And WHY? Seriously, why.

    Those last days, and hours. I didn't realize it was coming so soon - in two days, gone. Just like that. All we had talked, discussed, shared, loved and wished together was gone. Just like that.
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