i'm not uncertain about anything, except maybe how welcome i am here, well, no i'm sure i'm not welcome, but am here now, it's not like i'm forcing anyone to read it. Am just feeling increasingly hopeless, in tears now, actually. Daily reality is too hard (won't post why...would kinda negate the posting anonymously.) i feel overwhelmed. i feel unable to do...anything, move on, get on with 'life' - where on earth did that go??!, cope with everyday things, cope with everything that's happened. i honestly feel like curling up in a ball, and staying there until everything is over, because it doesn't matter if i try, i just get knocked back down, it doesn't matter, it all just comes crashing down and just feels like what the hell is the point???!! i've failed before i started,and for good measure, God sees fit to fuck everything up even more. i'm sure He has a plan, though he ain't talking to me right now, so we're even on that score. Have a new plan (no big surprises there), more certain...'course the pangs of guilt, the constant voice in the back of my mind stops me right now. But i honestly don't know how much more i can take. My parents always told us when i was growing up 'life isn't fair', well i guess at least they didn't lie. It's hard to explain how i feel when i don't want to reveal who i am, let's say grief's got me questioning everything...constant questions i don't know the answers to, questions that keep me awake at night. Nights have got worse, not sleeping and when do, there's just a whole load of horrific nightmares waiting for me. Then wake each morning, still, miserable, and wanting to get out of here. Even if it is Hell i'm headed for, better sooner than later.