When i was 15 years old I would starve myself for long periods of time or i would eat just a few bits of snacks a day. I was put on a lot of medication and most of them included weight gain which was fine by my doctors because i was very thin, according to them. This medication made me gain a lot of weight, meaning about 70 pounds overall, this didn't help my feeling of being overweight and fat. So over the past year i've gotten off the medications, and gone back to not having to worry about eating because i don't really get hungry anymore. I feel so fat, all the time, even if i know i'm not *that* fat. I envy models that are stick skinny and strive to be like them so that i can feel beautiful. I've lost a lot of weight increasingly over the past few months. When i went to the doctor about my shoulder (strained and sprained rotary cuff) he weighed me and told me that i was very thin and questioned me on my anorexic tendencies again. He said he'd see me again in two months and if it didn't approve he'd have no choice but to baker-act (hospitalize) me again. I don't want to be hospitalized, but i'm not hungry, and when i try to eat i become physically sickened by the food, if i manage to eat anything at all-it's the smallest amount and i get as full as someone who had just pigged out on a huge feast. I don't know if i want help, or if i want to just metaphorically run away. I don't know if i'd even be able to accept help-i feel like i wouldn't even deserve it. I probably sound extraordinarily whiny right now, but i hadn't told anyone and i thought it might help just to tell someone. So i guess in that respect i did want help. I'm not sure.