well i saw my gp today. my life consists of bloody appointments for this that or the other. he has increased my meds. im jut fed up i feel like im fighting a losing battle. i told him i cant do this anymore he said i can, i told him im done he said im not, i told him i should be over this by now he said not really everyone is different its what makes me special. special what shit is that? is that a fancy way of saying a complete headcase. well i cant do this anymore i just cant. i love my husband so much but he would be much better off without me we barely talk never mind anything else. a coupe months ago when crisis team and gp asked me what stops me i answered in case i survived. now though i know id do it right and the only thing that stops me is the thought of my husband finding my body. it woud kill him but then i think well i dont care i wont be here anyway but then feel really guilty. im so confused i just cant see a way out of this hole im in.