Another bender

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by JFM, Sep 19, 2011.

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  1. JFM

    JFM Member

    I managed to stay sober for a two week period.

    On Friday, however, I ran into an old drinking buddy. I felt I couldn't say no to a binge, so I ended up drinking until eight in the morning, at which point I passed out. I woke up three hours later, and remembered I had a family gathering and I was feeling pretty nauseous and nervous. So I rationalized the whole thing and drank throughout the whole day and night. I went out, because you got to complete the whole ritual, and made a complete fool of myself, got kicked out of a nightclub, lost my wallet and God knows what else. So, on Sunday, I felt so ashamed and depressed that I just got heavily drunk and went out yet again. This time, I woke up in an emergency room, surrounded by condescending family members and pseudo-friends.

    So, today, stone cold sober, I'm so fucking miserable that I want to kill myself...Or drink, once more. But no. Right now I feel so physically tired from all the drinking and not eating because I spent a whole weekend drunk off my ass that drinking ever again seems an absurd idea. But as we drunks know, the dry periods are just intervals between benders.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    It was a slip
    You went 2 weeks dry, thats something in its self.
    Dry out, get some grub in to yourself and think "one day at a time"
    you slipped, you havent murdered anyone. :hug:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Agree with Terry hun you slipped up be proud you stayed sober 2 weeks You did it once you can do it again hun hugs to you
  4. kote

    kote Account Closed

    im the same and often go on benders and end up in the police station as no one knows what to do with me - i get a bit agressive when drunk and no one can handle me. much to my shame. a bar i regularly drink at call my wife to pick me up when im in that state but any other bars call the police.
    but my last bender my wife called her mother and brother to help her. that shamed me so much i asked the dr. for meds for it.
    now im on Antabuse - although it doesnt stop the desire the consequences are scary enough not to drink. i so much want to sink a beer right now too.
    ive a BBQ and a stack load of beers to go to on Oct 1st - but it takes over 2 weeks to get out of your system so thats a let down but also reasuring as i was guaranteed to get extremely drunk and be an idiot.
    so please if you know its wrong try this. i take it in the morning and its all cool. im too afraid to crack open that can, and ive got a very addicitive personality and love my beers.
  5. kote

    kote Account Closed

    for me it was a case of:

    problem - appologise - solution

    but i know exactly where you are coming from!!!
    try the meds, if its too tough at least you tried and can show everyone you have.
    im honestly finding it hard but im sick of hurting people and losing things.
  6. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    I think its possible some people have a genetic predisposition to become drunks.

    I mean to say - by chance - DNA - chemistry - biology - physiology. Your born with 'the thirst'.

    My experience with alcohol - I learnt my lesson and got to say of all the drugs I ever took - NONE has actually made me fall unconscious - once in sub zero temperatures - wearing a tshirt and summer jacket. No drug has come close to killing me - my bro - and mates who all drank that bottle of spirits and ended up - poisoned. Alcohol is classed as a poison. My theory is that if something will explode when naked flame touches it - drinking it is - well - it is a bit mad when you think about it.

    And - I'll confess - sexual encounters - boozed up - I would never have done it sober. Don't be saying "the booze made the real you do it" - sorry - I know the real 'me' - its sober - sometimes - well - daytimes, lol.

    Alcohol makes you lose judgement big time.

    Also - got to say - even the nicest man in the world - give him a bottle of booze - even he might turn into some real nasty horrible creature.

    So - for giving up for two weeks - well done mate!

    What let you down - was not opening up to friends and saying "I got to stop drinking or it will kill me" - your real friends will support you. The associates will drift away back to the bar - and back home to wives and girlfriends who I'd advise to MOVE OUT before the first punch lands - or the vicious put downs leave your self image gone - and you'll be feeling like an insect with no self respect.

    Mate of mine came to see me - actually crying - so got him high - shut the crying up - I mean - nice to cry - but two men crying? Well anyway - he had some fight with his girl on holiday - lost the plot - was going to be charged with a lot of stuff - threatening cops - security - tourists - locals - generally threatened anyone nearby - unwise as many were armed!

    So - I told him he had manned up at last - told him his women was beautiful - (she is) and would leave him - because they had kids and they saw their dad waving his arms in the air - frothing at the mouth - drunk - violent - abusive.

    Since he gave up and opened up to his women (I told him to confess his blues - once - then STFU)

    All is well.

    He touches a bottle - he is fu****.

    He was ruthless with his friends - many laughed at him - he told them he would be laughing when their livers packed in and he was one car up in traffic.

    Plenty of men support other men with this issue.

    Some assholes think its manly to drink - they tell you your a wimp not to drink - well - not me - I'd fight any man who called me a wimp to my face - as long as he never had twenty mates with guns - then I'd agree I was a wimp.

    Deal with them later as you meet gangs on an individual basis if you hold out and wait.

    So - drink? If you can handle it - if you can go out Friday and Saturday - never drink at home - and NEVER get drunk - then there is no issue.

    If you cannot handle drink - avoid it - be the sober one at the pub - sometimes the designated driver gets free drinks.

    Sure - what's the point of being in a pub drunk? Well - you got a BIG advantage - your sober - your judgement is sound - odds are when others are slobbering and shouting - with beer fuelled breath (not nice if your sober actually) you will be articulate.

    Also when the inevitable asshole takes hindrance at a sober man - witty enough to make others laugh - well - you will read his mind like a book - you will know 5 seconds before he hits you - that he is committed.

    Just count down 5 secs - look at your clock. It is slow - so slow - you got time to do a dance, touch your toes - take a sip of the wimp orange and can walk away - dodge the punch (he may fall over) or defend yourself.

    Don't tell the judge about the 5 secs advantage.

    Well - think about it mate - your a man - if your single - you got other advantages - you can actually talk to women - and choose ones who are almost sober! Some actually sober.

    Also - in work - being sober helps.

    Study also - because alcohol - few students open up the vodka when they got some assignment. I'm a student now also - so age 46 - I know that no way is alcohol going to help my cause one iota.

    I'd not care if I never had a drink again - but drink is ok with me - if I drink too much - I'd lose my wallet - only I never owned a wallet and like to stash my money in my socks.

    Sure - makes it hard at the bar as the barmaid thinks I've vanished.

    Only joking - I just carry money in my pockets.

    Jingle jangle I go.

    Not the rustle of filthy lucre. (term for money - Biblical I think)

    So - drink - its not for you buddy. If I was a friend - I'd cheerfully buy you the orange and take the pi** out of the alpha male drink who is so insecure that he imagines men drinking orange are gay.

    Imagine being that thick?

    If you are gay - you know I'm not a bigot! I wish I was gay - I mean how easy are mens minds? Plus - you must get a playstation 3 if your a man with a boyfriend.

    A woman would get you - socks, or something. Nice thought! But - sigh - more socks!

    So - you got the option there bro - give up the booze - turn gay - just two things - although sure - you cannot just 'turn' gay - although - if I met me - I might fall in love - or bond as men - brothers!

    I'm just talking insanity now.

    But hope it makes you smile - because a smile is confirmation of life.

    Unless your me - and I rarely smile - or just smile slightly - because I'm not paid to be Coco the Clown.

    But I don't mind cheering people up.

    good luck mate - but at least you know what your demon is!

    We ALL have a self destructive part in us. for some booze does it - others drugs - and some its just the part depression made us hide. We can hurt people - and for me - I'd be horrified to hurt anyone- I mean, I don't want anyone crying for or worrying - I like my friends and loved to think of me and cheer up.

    But be careful out there.

    OH - start making a list - its a a good and bad list - get those names down.

    Tell everyone you know - your affair with alcohol has ended - because booze will destroy you.

    People who do not support you or understand this - are idiots - I mean - they must have intelligence so low its brushing against the carpet.

    deprived of the fuel it needs the demon that needs the booze will become weaker and weaker until one day - hopefully your driving on the way to work - wife and kids in bed - your sober - and will think back to the good people around you who said 'fu** the alcohol"

    "Ah - one drink will do you no harm." - those words would be carved into a billion gravestones.

    Good luck mate - I think you know what to do.

    one day at a time?

    each hour sober is a victory at first.


    I admire your courage.
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