People that work in mental health services will tell you that this is the worse time of year for them, and also the busiest, as lonely losers like myself are reminded more than ever of how pathetic there existance actually is. Im set to spend yet another christmas alone...ya i could go visit my old man and pretend its all roses, but i couldnt be fucked lieing...yet again. and trying to explain...yet again, why im alone. The only thing that gives me any solice at all is knowing that i wont have to face another one if things dont improve. Theres no possible way ill see out another year of this.. no way on earth. The sadness I feel seems to be more consistant then ever, taking up most of my days now. With each passing day that decision gets closer, and im losing the strength to keep putting it off to be honest. It will be a rather abrupt and inconsequential end to an inconsequential life, fitting really. I wont be telling anyone either...I dont want to burden you all...itll just be done...finished. I fucking hate christmas too be honest....i really wish it would disappear up its own backside, its the one time of year that I cant go on pretending anymore...im just not delusional enough.