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another day lost in my thoughts..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by the masked depressant, May 10, 2011.

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  1. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    and it looks like it won't get any better

    i can't do this no more- seriously- if i really wanted to live, i'd not be on this forum

    it's just hurting again... i don't know why i even bothered waking up
  2. distress

    distress Well-Known Member

    Hi ther, sorry your feeling like this. Care to shed light on your situation?
  3. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    i think it's more of a case that nothing ever gets better for me and nothing ever works out, and waking up just to know that nothing's gonna change is a task..
  4. Push

    Push Well-Known Member

    I'm pretty sure that we all have felt this way and alot of us are feeling this way right now. :hug:
  5. eagle

    eagle Well-Known Member

    you bother cos of the people who care about you. you mean a lot to me and the others you talk to on a day to day basis

    we love you
  6. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member


    that means a lot

    thanks hun
  7. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    So we'll all do our best to handle you at your worst!
  8. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    hey daniel...like many here, i too often feel like that...its so confusing. i have no idea where my day has gone...i just detach and whoosh its gone, lost in my bubble. but at least if you lost in your thoughts or detached, it keeps you safe in an odd way, i get told its not healthy, but tbh its healthier than facing reality right now.

    my docs are sick of me telling them i dont see it ever getting better and they keep promising me it will, i cant promise you it will get better, but you have to do what ever it takes to distract yourself from your dark thoughts just in case tomorrow is the day it does get better, and what a waste that would be if you werent here to find that out :hug:

    call someone
  9. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    thanks icequeen- i've been more with it this evening and think i can make it through tonight with out any problems.. though saying that, nothing's ever certain- and the way things go with me sometimes i can't be sure

    i take that back- tonight is what tonight is if you know what i mean
  10. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    glad you are feeling a little more composed.

    i take each day as it comes, if therapist or doc mentions the word "future" i tell them off...i find that word invokes pressure and the last thing we all need right now is more pressure.

    accept today you can get through, dont worry about tomorrow until it comes, dont let peeps make you think of next week next month or whatever...thats pressure. i initially started hour by hour...and i do have blips but now its day by day so i guess its 50/50 by the hour by the day and with the support here it works at the moment.

    you do what you do for the here and the now...dont think beyond today...one day at a time...

    glad you feel more at ease...always here if you need to hear some waffle :hug:
  11. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    hour by hour is a good strategy

    my friend lucy used to tell me- take everything hour by hour

    thanks for being here- i apreciate it
  12. colorblinded

    colorblinded Member

    Hey there Masked.

    I wear a mask myself. I've worn it so much I often wonder who I really am..and then I come out, in the smallest of ways, I see something funny and I laugh, I do something stupid and poke a bit of fun at myself. I don't understand how, but I still manage to laugh every day, at least a bit, even when I've walked through my whole detailed plan over and over in my head before somehow getting out of bed. What I realize is that there is something, way down deep, buried in the mess, that I feel is worth saving.

    Can you tell us more about your situation? Forgive me if it's been posted elsewhere, I'm new to SF. How old are you? When was the last time you felt good, or even just normal? Is this your first major depressive episode, or have you dipped through the muck and trudged up out of it before?

    I'm trying to jump on the day by day train myself, and you know what...today was good because I made it good. (Even though those ghoulish gears were still grinding in my head.)
  13. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    first off, welcome to sf... it's good to have you here

    i totally understand about not knowing who you are- it's very hard to deal with

    as for coming out, i sometimes watch comedies and it brings me relief even for a few moments.. and then, i'm straight back down!

    i can't actually remember the last time i felt normal.. it was so long ago, it's escaped my memory

    feel free to pm me- it will be nice to make another friend on here
  14. eagle

    eagle Well-Known Member

    i really hope you're feeling a bit better today hun x
  15. the masked depressant

    the masked depressant Well-Known Member

    today is going much more smoothly and i'm not taking my anger out in someone else's thread either. i'm proud of myself

    how are you
  16. eagle

    eagle Well-Known Member

    still suicidal but oh well, i'll get over it

    you should be proud of yourself hun
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