I can't stand this pain. Seems to go on and on and no. Why me, wtf have I ever done to deserve this, am I such a bad person that this is all my life is ever about. I feel like I don't exist anymore. Waiting for my date for the sands in my hourglass to run out. Seems I can't find a way to even fill it a little bit. So lonely, hurting so much, seeing so much pain, still remembering so much agony. I don't know how I'm going to ever get through this. I know I need help but not sure what help or even if that is possible. Crying so bad right now just don't know how to end this with killing myself. I want so much to be dead right now. I have a method, but yet i'm here again, waiting for time to pass, to reach the date. Not sure I can even hold on to that date I set. Seems that's a waste of time.