Well so much has happened since I first posted my first thread on here over 2 weeks ago! I am in somewhat better shape mentally I think. And I am able to see things a little clearer. That is not to say that my heart does not still hurt about certain things and that I feel like I am completely ok and can move on no matter what. I think that there are several things that are going to have to change before I feel 100% better about my life and the things going on in it. But most of all, the main reason why I started writing here and the main reason for a lot of my hurt and pain right now is how things have been with my relationship of almost a year. Since our big blow out over 2 weeks ago, we have since been together again and have talked about things and have pretty much been a couple as we always were. The only thing that is different is the feeling. I still love him and want it to work more than anything, but I also feel like there is a certain degree of distance that has formed between us both over the last few months because of our problems and the very fact that we live a little more than an hour away from each other. How can this change? Can it change at all? And how do I try not to feel like it is all my fault and that I am just a boring person and does not really deserve to be happy or have anything in life that will make me happy.. I want so much to feel the way we used to together, that feeling of perfection and like everything was so good that nothing could come between us at all. I guess I worry too much and I guess if that were not the case things might be somewhat better At this point, there have been a few times I have really thought about just letting him go and letting him be happy again. That would be the hardest thing for me to do probably. But I feel like I just want him to be happy again.... I just dont know anymore..