another day???

each day seems to flow into the same as the last .. no more doctors no more thoughts no more self harm "no more"..how long can one go through this endless cycle and only hang on cause of the tought of emotionaly hurting family and friends and the pills that dull the thoughts just enought to let them burn at you but calm you just enough.. i liked myself better when i realized i had lost everything and didnt care for the lottery ticket personality the next day.. i know i dont want to be here i have already cut off my finger and ruined my career and chance at having a normal loving relationship with anyone cause they will see that and think i am nuts.. whats the point? lonely not understood, pull the triger find the cliff ,find some sort of peace .
i sure hope i grow the balls to get angry as i was one finger and three months ago ..

 

Hun your finger is not who you are someone would probably think you got it caught in something that all I get how the meds keep us calmer doing that myself lately medicating to get rid of the pain sadness You are doing right things now to stay here okay so your family does not have to suffer. You do not know what the future is noone knows that Hold on and see what it brings you okay who knows what doors will open hugs