Okay so I've noticed that my moods seem to go in dips. I can cope with it for a certain amount of time and then all of a sudden something hits me and I don't know what to do anymore. Well I've hit that point again. The point where I feel like I can't handle anything and start looking for a way out. The point that sees me taking pills or cutting or something. I can't stop thinking about Nan. Everything reminds me of her. And I am missing her like crazy. I can't concentrate on anything else, and everytime it gors quiet my head goes back to thoughts about her. I don't want to carry on without her. I want her back so much. I am sitting here with my girlfriend's 10year old brother, wanting to cry. She's in the kitchen and as far as I know doesn't know how I feel. I could go and tell her, but it seems like too much trouble trying to put all this into words. I am struggling enough to make it make sense on here and on MSN. There's so many other things I could sit here and talk about. How broke I am. The fights with my girlfriend. Leaving my Nan's grave. Family problems. Feeling paranoid. My appearance. Blahblahblah. What's the point. I was thinking about how I could do it. Not got enough pills in (the only ones I have are the ones I was sick with last time and I wont use them again...EVER) Sitting here looking for another way out. I want to cut but got in loads of trouble last time. Was thinking about cutting and not telling her but she'll find out, I can never lie to her. I don't wanna see that look on her face again. Thought about sleeping it off but I'm not tired yet. Can't concentrate on a book. Had a lond hot bath earlier and it didn't help. I don't know what to do. I don't want to feel like this.