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Another duh moment

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GRAM IN MN, Dec 6, 2008.

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    GRAM IN MN New Member

    I am new at this posting stuff so if I dont answer someone please email me.... I am just learning to get around the site.

    Im I the only one that feels like they are under a microscope?

    Today my family asked the following questions as an example of what I mean:

    What did you eat today?
    Did you take your meds?
    How many times did you take your blood sugars?
    Who did you talk to?
    Did you get everything you needed for the coming week when you were out today?

    I seriously am waiting for them to ask me if i remembered to wipe my ass when I went to the bathroom. Im depressed, not stupid. YES.....I function semi normally, for the most part.

    I want off this roller coaster of emotions, how can you be so down one day that you feel hopeless and the next feels pretty good, then you are down an hour later because someone said something that hurt your feeling? Do you tell them? Or do you wallow in the self pity like me??? Is the world out to get you all too or am I the only one that feels that way......sometimes?

    How do you shut off your mind so you can relax, sleep?? I cant sometimes and it feels like i am about to come out of my skin.

    I am tired of people saying they miss the old me....and they think I dont??? what the hell is that, and do they have any idea how that hurts to hear???

    I want the old me back but I realize after all this time she doesnt exist. She is gone forever and I have live with the person I have become and I really dont like her.....no i hate her, she is just not anyone I want to be.

    Anyway...thats how I feel for the moment, and as we all know that could change any moment.
  2. frager84

    frager84 Well-Known Member

    your parents only asked you those questions because they care
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Gram,

    Welcome to sf.

    My mom treats me the same. It's so annoying. she treats me like I'm 4. At the end of the day,they are only doing that because they care and they're making sure your okay and on the right tracks. There is many things I use to shut off my mind,

    I look through old pictures of happier times before I sleep, that makes me relax.

    I drink valerian tea before sleep.

    And I listen to relaxation cd's. :hug:
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello Gram,
    You are not alone. I live with my sister because I am high risk of suicide so I have to have a caretaker. I spend all my time in my bedroom. It is my safe place where the world can't get to me. If I get quiet in here she pokes her head in to see if I am alright. Thats aggrevating.
    Have they checked you for Bipolar? You have signs of being bipolar. You swing up and down, Your ups are stages of being manic,and your downs are signs of depression. I know all about mood swings,when I am off my med for them I can be alright one minute and a real prick the next minute. They have me on Lamitcal for the mood swings, ask your doctor about it. Maybe it will calm some of those feelings. Take Care!!~Joseph~
  5. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    Lamictal works for me, too. Things stay a lot more even. I buy mine from Canada because no one has released generic here, even though it's been approved here in the states. Brand name is incredibly expensive.

    I wonder if your family asks questions because they just don't know what else to say. It's most likely that they care about you, or they wouldn't show any interest. I know people are uncomfortable around depressed people. And one of the best conversation stoppers is to say something about suicide.

    I think that I'm more sensitive to hearing questions when I'm more depressed than usual. I just want to be left alone. But no one knows that because I just sort of shut down.

    I hope you can think of a reason for the questions that will make you more comfortable with them.
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