Another Episode

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by hopeless, May 24, 2007.

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  1. hopeless

    hopeless Well-Known Member

    i just got out of the hospital on monday. i was there for 7 days becuase i cut my wrist again. this time i really meant it, i was trying my best to get down to my vein and my mom caught me. i already had an appt with my therapist and pdoc later that day, so they did what anyone else would have done and had me committed. the sherriff came out and took me away and my mom had a real hissy fit.

    even the pdoc was shocked at how badly my mom acted. she was too worried about herself and what everyone else thinks to care that i had just tried to kill myself.

    i had cut before, but never like this. all of my s* attempts have been overdoses, not cutting. my cutting tends to come when i'm frustrated and upset and i feel trapped.

    well, now that i'm out of the hospital i am still wanting to cut and still thinking about dying.

    that place drove me crazy so i told that doc what i had to tell her to get out and it worked. i'm never going back there again. i don't care if i die, i'll just never go there again.
  2. bEvans

    bEvans Active Member

    if you don't change, then you definitely will end up there time and time again.
    you'll cause more agony for your parents and everyone else around you.
    since you don't care about your life, why not try taking more risks? <mod edit:shygirl inappropriate>you could try submerging yourself in competitive activities, intellectual or physical.
    seems better than simple wrist cutting, but that's just me.
    once you realize, or think you've realized, that you're life is worthless, then you can start making the real gains.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 25, 2007
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I am sorry to hear you have come to this point in your life that it seems so hopeless to you. What has the difference been lately that brought you to this point right now? Can you identify it? It sounds as if you are trying to change with the fact that you go to a therapist and a pdoc. Do they have you on meds? It sounds like your mother really doesn't understand what is going on with you and may be a bit frightened. She doesn't know how to deal with the issues at hand and the stigma that comes with them. I hope things take a change of direction for you. :hug:
  4. hopeless

    hopeless Well-Known Member

    usually i am okay. i can go through life and just exist. when i have a job and can work, things are better. but the last job i had i almost got fired because i was late for the first 90 days almost every day. luckily the pdoc wrote me a not so they had to give me a little bit of slack. now that i'm not working, life seems worse. i'm separated from my hubby because he can't work when i'm there. he is too worried that he will come home to find me unconcious or dead from an overdose or cutting. he constantly calls the house to check on me and make sure i'm okay even though we are apart.

    i can't work though because i can't get up in the mornings and i can't concentrate. i've really got a lot of pressure on me because i'm in the master's program. it's all i can do to get that work done. i'm even behind in that because i was in the hospital. thankfully, the prof is going to work with me this time. in the past he hasn't been so kind. i am awaiting approval for an incomplete in the course. that way i'll have a little extra time to get the work done that i got behind in.

    i've been on meds for a very long time. since my last visit to my pdoc my meds were changed. this seems to have been a good thing as i haven't needed my nerve medicine as much lately. the pdoc said that this would happen. she also said that she may have to increase my meds depending on how much of my nerve meds i'm still needing.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It sounds as if things aren't going so well right now. I am glad you had the strength and courage to post here and let us know how you felt Although some of the obstacle may seem insurmountable, you can beat it this time.
  6. MrA

    MrA Active Member

    Money makes the world go around, the world go around... I remember this song from the 5th grade, 7 years ago!
    Well, I think no one of us wants to get up in the morning early even though we all have to..I stand up for school, home for 10 mins, to work and done in the evening.. I think you can do a lot better than you think, you just need to hang on and get into it! Certainly life can be frustrating because of many things but suicide is no solution :sad: and as I read your husband will certainly support you! So don't give up!
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