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Another Friend (TW)

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by S8pxph, Nov 13, 2011.

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  1. S8pxph

    S8pxph Active Member

    So one of my friends has dropped a couple hints, so I flat out asked him today if he felt depressed or suicidal. I've been through it enough times that I wanted to confront him before it was too late. We had a long talk about it, but I don't feel like I got through to him. I realize this was our first talk, but normally I feel like I at least helped a little. This one was different because he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I know it's school and girls, so I tried to talk to him about those things, but he kept saying it wasn't and wouldn't tell me what the real issue was. He just kept saying, "There's nothing wrong, I just feel like it's my time to go." I tried giving him ways to get through it, like distracting yourself or thinking of anyone you care about, but he just said the people he cared about would get on fine. I tried everything, I just don't know what else to say. I told him to call me every time he feels suicidal and we'll do something else instead, but that's all I can think of to do. I'm just so frustrated because I've lost 3 friends to suicide and I always wished they would have come to me first. I've helped a couple other friends with their thoughts, but this friend is much worse than anyone I've helped before. I'm getting what I want, he's talking to me before acting, but I still feel like I can't do anything about it. I don't know what to do. I want to help him, but I don't know how. He won't see a T or go to the ER or anything. I know he won't do it tonight because I made him promise, but I'm not so sure I can keep him from doing it for long. I feel so useless and I feel like I'm failing him.

    I'm thinking about telling him about my depression next time. It's nice to know someone else is also going through it. I don't want to burden him, I just want to explain to him that I know what he's going through and he's not alone. I'm still undecided. I wanted to do it tonight, but I felt like it would be selfish even though I just wanted him to know there are people who know what he's going through. I'm just at a loss and if he does this, I will never forgive myself. I am the one he's reaching out to, I can't fail. But I need some help from anyone who's dealt with a case like this before.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2011
  2. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni


    I think you are doing all the right moves by your friend. If he really get in a crisis where he becomes a danger for himself, you can only call the emergency. In the end, you can only do your best to help but you cant take away his personal responsibility to get the professional support he needs. You cant blame yourself for his choice, whatever it will be. Just keep the door open for him as you are doing now and do not forget to take care of yourself in the middle of it all.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sometimes, I ask someone what s/he wants...it varies to each person...a couple of days ago, my friend who was so upset, just wanted a nice cup of tea and some sweets so I baked something for her...many of us have been through what you are talking about, and it is a game of chess trying to figure out how to be effective...I know, I often feel so powerless, but I am also sometimes surprised what someone considers supportive...know you are doing your best and try to be with your friend, leaving him a place to feel safe and cared for
  4. S8pxph

    S8pxph Active Member

    Thanks, guys. It's good to know I'm doing things right, and I'll try to discuss what exactly he wants from me. I guess I'm just frustrated because problems I can help with, and finding coping mechanisms and people to live for I can work with, he just insists he has no problems and thinks the people in his life will get on fine. I feel bad about this, but it actually makes me a little bit angry that he's so ignorant about the affect suicide has on your loved ones. I told him about my friends, and how their siblings still struggle (it's been 7 years for one), but he either just doesn't understand, doesn't want to think about it, or thinks it's not applicable to him. I know about some of the problems he has, but I feel like there's something more because he doesn't respond to any of my suggestions.

    I'll figure it out. I'll just check in everyday and all that until something comes of it.
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