Another "Hi"

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by grim_manifestation, Feb 10, 2010.

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  1. grim_manifestation

    grim_manifestation Active Member

    Greetings,

    I am a 32 year old male 'existential nihilist' with severe depression/anxiety (not a good combination :blink:) for around 14 years and have been suicidal (passively & actively) for most of them.

    I have been in psychotherapy (and still remain so), for those 14 years, and other occasions previously for various 'problems' since I was 7 or so. In addition I have tried self-help and many different combinations of meds while likewise I have cut/burnt myself many, many times, been hospitalized twice and have either ambivalently (or incoherently *burps*) attempted Suicide four times, as well as an assortment of other self-destructive behaviours too numerous to mention.

    Anyways, the Depression still persists relentlessly and my earlier ambivalence over Death has diminished completely. I plan to kill myself (if Death doesn't call on me first :wink:) once I have put my affairs in order and have completed an artistic project I am working on (this will take a few years).

    The reason why I am here I guess, is that I am so tired. I'm not sure if I can last that long to be honest, and I guess I am seeking some support, help and hopefully some distraction from 'that' Pain, so that I can endure some more years until my project is complete - as opposed to weeks or months it seems to be all coming to.

    My apologies for the rant, but tbh it has provided a little relief to externalise this. :shy:

    Though I'm not really a 'care-bear' sort of fellow I hope that I can contribute Something 'here' to help boost those neurotransmitters for all.

    And please, call me Grim if you wish.:wink:
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hey Grim, welcome to SF. I hope you find support here.

    what does the line in your sig mean?
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    WElcome to SF i hope reaching out here will give you the peace you are looking for Keep posting okay and venting as it does help
     
  4. grim_manifestation

    grim_manifestation Active Member

    Thanks to you both.:shake:

    @ WildCherry:

    1. Thanks for the link, it looks good, so I'll see how I go.

    2. Cruciabilitas tuus venerari is Latin for "Revere your Torment" or thereabouts anyway. Though it may sound rather nihilistic/malign this signature has 'deeper' meanings on various levels for me...sort of a Zen riddle or Mantra to meditate on I guess.
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    We are here to listen to rants (as we do them ourselves) and to understand how you are feeling...many of us have been where you seem to be and find the support we give and get here helps us go beyond the darkness...please PM me if I can be there for you, big hugs, J
     
  6. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    welcome aboard explorer!

    You can rant and vent as much as you want here. Hoping to get to know you throughout your time in the forums.
     
  7. grim_manifestation

    grim_manifestation Active Member

    ...and an exploring I shall go. :p

    Thanks to all and hope to bump into to everyone throughout the forums.
     
  8. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to our forum. I hope you find that ranting is something we are comfortable with and all have a need to do on occasion. I am looking forward to seeing you around the forum. :shake:
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum :hug: im glad you decided to join! :)
     
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