I'm not looking forward to Christmas. I'm going to my parents because the alternative is sitting home alone drinking. I havent even recovered from Thanksgiving. My brother tried to touch me and I beat him up. My mom started yelling at me and called me a liar. I've been suicidal since. I cant seem to get myself threw this and I'm starting to feel like no one understands. I usually have my therapist but every time I bring it up she shrugs it off by saying it's not allowed or I don't want you to and then changes the subject. She doesn't talk to me about these feelings. I cant stop them so I've been drinking. I hide in my closet with a bottle of vodka until I fall asleep. My 2 best friends are getting married and my life is going no where. There's no reason for me to be alive. I'm missing my friend so much right now. he was my major support threw the holidays and he always understood how I felt. I have a plan and it's all I can think about. I'm defeated I give up.