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Another holiday

#1
I'm not looking forward to Christmas. I'm going to my parents because the alternative is sitting home alone drinking. I havent even recovered from Thanksgiving. My brother tried to touch me and I beat him up. My mom started yelling at me and called me a liar. I've been suicidal since. I cant seem to get myself threw this and I'm starting to feel like no one understands. I usually have my therapist but every time I bring it up she shrugs it off by saying it's not allowed or I don't want you to and then changes the subject. She doesn't talk to me about these feelings. I cant stop them so I've been drinking. I hide in my closet with a bottle of vodka until I fall asleep. My 2 best friends are getting married and my life is going no where. There's no reason for me to be alive. I'm missing my friend so much right now. he was my major support threw the holidays and he always understood how I felt. I have a plan and it's all I can think about. I'm defeated I give up.
 

MosesY

Functioning Alcoholic
SF Supporter
#2
The holidays are hard for everyone. So many people have tough memories from family, it is a hard thing to go through. I am sorry you are going through this. It is strange that your therapist shuts off these feelings; I have never heard of such a thing before. I would have to suggest switching therapists. Meanwhile we here at SF know how you feel, we empathize with you, and you can say literally anything here. Please keep posting.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#3
You have rights to medical care with a professional therapist that's equipt to handle your problems. If a therapy session leaves you feeling worse, it's not worth it.

I feel bad for you with your family. We just can't choose them. We can choose if and when we want to be around them or for how long. Some are just plain toxic, not understanding, mean, you get the idea, not good to be around.

I know you feel very low, but if you can muster up the the strength, dont let them take away your power @panda685. We will be here at SF during your hard time.

Do you think you can or want to switch therapists?
 
#4
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment. I agree with the others - if your therapy sessions aren't helping you as much as you think they could, maybe you should consider changing therapist.

My 2 best friends are getting married and my life is going no where. There's no reason for me to be alive.
I'm sorry you feel this way. This is a feeling that is very familiar to me, as I'm sure it is to others on this forum. However, just because you feel stuck right now or that your life isn't going the way you want it to, doesn't mean it will be like this forever. You can achieve what you want and find happiness, it just might be on a different schedule to others.

I'm defeated I give up.
I'm sorry. Try and hang in there. Sending hugs *brohug.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#5
i'm sorry that you are going through this @panda685 it sounds like your therapist doesn't seem like a good fit for you. i agree with the others you should change therapists if possible until you find one that fits. sometimes you will feel a little worse after therapy if it's productive and you've gotten close to the problem and that's ok if it helps in the long run.

if someone tries to touch you that's not ok. if you go try to stay with other people as much as you can. the holidays are stressful enough under good situations but can be terrible under bad ones. if you can go safely with your family and can be happy then you should go. but there are alternatives to staying home. you can volunteer someplace and make others happy and thus yourself. i hope your christmas goes well but remember SF will be here for you.

and please don't give up yet. you have decades to get to where you want including career and marriage....mike...*hug*shake
 
#6
My brother tried to touch me and I beat him up. My mom started yelling at me and called me a liar. I've been suicidal since
Families often try to deny sexual assault and abuse, but that's so wrong.
I usually have my therapist but every time I bring it up she shrugs it off by saying it's not allowed or I don't want you to and then changes the subject. She doesn't talk to me about these feelings.
I don't know how your therapist could justify that. You really ought to be able to talk to a therapist about anything.

Do you think it would help if you saw a different therapist?
I'm missing my friend so much right now
Do you want to say more about your friend?

Hugs
 
#7
I've been seeing my therapist for 3 years this is the first I've felt she hasnt understood. I had a break down at lunch today and I told her how suicidal I was and she tried to brush it off. I called her out on it and she said she just doesn't think it's helpful for me to focus on and talk about. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away. I told her this to and now she's willing to talk to me about it during our next appointment. I dont know how to tell her I've wanted to die since I was 12. I'm missing my friend Jason. He always knew how to support me and he understood. Im just lost right now. My occasional boyfriend is supposed to go to Christmas at my parents with me. But he has commitment issues and there's a 90% chance he won't show up. I just dont want to be alone right now.
 
#8
I've been seeing my therapist for 3 years this is the first I've felt she hasnt understood
I hope she'll be willing to give you some more support. Maybe some therapists take the perspective that talking about things is too upsetting, so they think they're doing you a favor by changing the subject, but it sounds like her changing the subject is more invalidating that anything else. I think it's ok to insist that she listen if there is something that you really want to say to her.
I dont know how to tell her I've wanted to die since I was 12
If you can't say it to her directly, I wonder if you could write about it, and then show her what you wrote.
I'm missing my friend Jason. He always knew how to support me and he understood.
You're welcome to say more about why Jason isn't a part of your life now if you'd like to.
My occasional boyfriend is supposed to go to Christmas at my parents with me. But he has commitment issues and there's a 90% chance he won't show up
I'm sorry he isn't more supportive.

Hugs
 

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