First and probably last post i just need to get a load of stuff out in the open for a load of strangers to ponder over and inadvertedly make them feel so much better about them selves. Firstly youll need a bit of background. At around 17yo a relationship i was in ended rather abruptly when my partner at the time decided she was gay. I took this in my stride and supported her. Because you know im such a good guy. At a slighlty later time in the same year my sports career was destroyed thanks to an injury which still plagues me to this day. After having every single day for 8 years in constant pain i developed or maybe cultivated an existing narcisistic personality. This also ended up being further complicated by a bi polar disorder all coming from this initial injury. Shortly after the career ending injury i started sleeping around which gave me great pleasure for a hectic and screwed up 2 years. A point came when i realised sleeping around wasnt fulfilling anymore. I ended up in a relationship with a person that ended up making me feel claustrophobic. So that was ended after a year. Shortly following this i was led on by what i can only describe as a succubus, telling me one thing one minute then another the next. This put me in a hole which ended up with my trying to take my own life. Unfortunately cars dont travel to fast on icy roads. I got through this eventually and decided i wouldnt go back to sleeping to around. I carried on through the days with a serious interest in a friend however she was in a relationship. So to not be an arsehole i waited my time knowing their relationship was rocky anyway. We became really close friends and enjoyed each others company. That was mistake number 1. Number 2 came shortly after as became even more aware of my feelings. I began to do something i never do and listened to my emotions. This ultimately ended with me finding out she had begun seeing someone else rather quickly resulting in around the 5000th kick to the gonads. So it turns out if i listen to my emotions, im miserable. If i ignore them, im miserable. Now without seeking sympathy,please for the love of god dnt give me sympathy. All i have going through my mind is drugs, moving vehicles, sharp objects and why i even bother doing anything. Add to this that finishing uni has practically made me unemployable and i see very little point in existing. I say existing because this sure as hell cant be classified as life.