Another kick to the nads.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jubbs, Nov 1, 2012.

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  1. Jubbs

    Jubbs New Member

    First and probably last post i just need to get a load of stuff out in the open for a load of strangers to ponder over and inadvertedly make them feel so much better about them selves.

    Firstly youll need a bit of background. At around 17yo a relationship i was in ended rather abruptly when my partner at the time decided she was gay. I took this in my stride and supported her. Because you know im such a good guy. At a slighlty later time in the same year my sports career was destroyed thanks to an injury which still plagues me to this day. After having every single day for 8 years in constant pain i developed or maybe cultivated an existing narcisistic personality. This also ended up being further complicated by a bi polar disorder all coming from this initial injury. Shortly after the career ending injury i started sleeping around which gave me great pleasure for a hectic and screwed up 2 years.

    A point came when i realised sleeping around wasnt fulfilling anymore. I ended up in a relationship with a person that ended up making me feel claustrophobic. So that was ended after a year. Shortly following this i was led on by what i can only describe as a succubus, telling me one thing one minute then another the next. This put me in a hole which ended up with my trying to take my own life. Unfortunately cars dont travel to fast on icy roads. I got through this eventually and decided i wouldnt go back to sleeping to around.

    I carried on through the days with a serious interest in a friend however she was in a relationship. So to not be an arsehole i waited my time knowing their relationship was rocky anyway. We became really close friends and enjoyed each others company. That was mistake number 1. Number 2 came shortly after as became even more aware of my feelings. I began to do something i never do and listened to my emotions. This ultimately ended with me finding out she had begun seeing someone else rather quickly resulting in around the 5000th kick to the gonads.

    So it turns out if i listen to my emotions, im miserable. If i ignore them, im miserable. Now without seeking sympathy,please for the love of god dnt give me sympathy. All i have going through my mind is drugs, moving vehicles, sharp objects and why i even bother doing anything.

    Add to this that finishing uni has practically made me unemployable and i see very little point in existing. I say existing because this sure as hell cant be classified as life.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...I sent you a PM so please know my PM box is always open...welcome again and thanks for sharing
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you life keeps kicking you down hun. dam hey You have a education and in time that education will get you a career. Todays job market you have to keep fighting and it will take awhile but you will get a job I do hope you are able to get some councilling some therapy that will help you move past all the pain you are in Trust well that one is hard but you will have to slowly try again NOt everyone is cruel hun just unfortunately you have found some people who are not worth you having pain over. Life can be hell but who knows what the future will throw at you next someone special a career that will turn things around who knows but you have to hold on ok see it out hugs
  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Hello. I can see why your are discouraged. But that's the great thing about life. We can change over a period of time.

    When I was running wild and sleeping around. I only looked for men who could offer what I believed to be what I wanted. Pleasure. Now when I was ready to settle down my priorities changed and so did my view of what a man should have to offer me.

    I tell you this b/c it sounds like you want to settle down. Maybe I am wrong... if this is the case you should seek a woman who also wants to settle down. You know have kids, the two car garage and the whole nine yards. Everything happenes in time, but the first thing that should happen is the change within ourselves.

    If your not happy with yourself then someone else will not be happy with you. Are you a spiritual kind of guy? I tell you what. Believe it or not, finding a guy who is deep and dedicated about his soul is harder to find than anything else. I know many, many women who dream of such a man. Finding a man dedicated to His soul and the well being of it is like a woman's dream that wants to settle down and start a family with children and so on. Those are the types of women you want. A woman dedicated to her heavenly Father, her family, and especially her man.

    Party girls are a dime a dozen and they are just having fun, but that's all they want for the time being. Not every guy wants to have fun till he dies. Some do, but not all.

    Just my thoughts..
  5. Jubbs

    Jubbs New Member

    While i appreciate the comments in the end as always its just the same old crap wrapped neatly into a new sentence. I am misanthropic and have seen several mental health proffesionals all of which give exactly 0% of a crap. But bey they are sorted with their decent wages they only have to listen to people moan and pretend to be interested for living.

    Since the sports injury everything has been downhill not once has there really been a moment where i had cause to be positive. The only thing that motivates me to do anything is playing a sport. Outside of that i literally do struggle to function. At the age of 24 i can honestly say i have nothing and have achieved nothing particularly special. They hand out degrees these days like candy.

    I have literally zero faith in humanity myself included. As for spiritual stuff thats something you really dnt want to get me started on. Were born, we die. End of. Theres no magical presence guiding people where they need to go. People believe theres a higher being because its more comforting for them to believe they arent the most powerful thing in existence. It also allows them to have a scape goat if anything goes wrong.

    But thats another argument for another day, im fed up of playing the nice guy just to be stepped on every second of everyday.
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Well Jubbs, I have read your rant. You don't want sympathy, so I won't offer any. I'm tempted to not even be nice. To give you want you seem to want to hear, in other words. Except there would probably be something wrong with that too, which would give you reason for another rant.

    Well go ahead hun, if it helps you at all. Get it ALL out - that is what this forum is for. Then, when the results come in and deliver, again, a big fat 0 - the thought might be able to penetrate that it's time to learn how to understand existence properly.

    But for that, you need guts. I think you have them :)
  7. Jubbs

    Jubbs New Member

    Thank you, you see the big issue is that with narcisism and bi polar stuff the slightest thing can put me in a massive downward spiral. That and it causes very conflicting views within my self that is very confusing.

    All i am after is an intellegent discussion where people are not trying to impart religion or other similar ideas. Just solid rational logic.
  8. slcsportschick

    slcsportschick Active Member

    I had a serious sports injury as well, which ruined my future life of sports. Up to that point, I ate, slept, and breathed sports. Played basketball, softball, and volleyball in high school. Had major colleges seriously looking at me for basketball and softball and then wham. Nope. No more. So much for that. 5 knee surgeries later, it's still not the same. Never will be. No college for me. No future in that, which was all I wanted. So, I can empathize with you there.
  9. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I have a chronic and possible expiring auto-immune disease. I used to dance, play volley ball, fly a plane, etc., and am now in a wheel other members here, we struggle to find a life in a condition we do not want to be to accept that which has so damaged your life is the real question, one which I struggle with daily...I report this to let you know that there are others on a similar path...again, PM box open...fortunately it is not like my mail (postal) box which I cannot get to
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