another lonely christmas..

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by zoebaby, Dec 17, 2008.

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  1. zoebaby

    zoebaby Well-Known Member

    i hate the holidays, i wish it would all go away, christmas will be over in two weeks, i wish it were over today.
    its hard not being jealous of the lucky ones, people who have someone to care, who actually care about how youre feeling, the people closest to me have never cared how i feel. i have feelings, i should scream at them and tell them how im feeling, thats how i feel. im too reserved, i have let them hurt me for so long and i sit here silent.. always scared if i speak up that they just wont talk to me at all. maybe it would be better that way.. if they just dont talk to me at all.. at least i would have had my say.. i dont know. i just sit here silent, taking the blame for everything that has ever happened, yes everything is my fault. i have almost found my voice though, and i am going to start standing up for myself. and if their gone forever, then they were never really here.. right?
    my family is so disfunctional, my father never calls me, never. and then his mother, my grandmother gets mad at me because i dont want to go to his house for the holidays and spend time with his "family" the people who never call. and im not supposed to feel jealous of my sisters, who my father adores, calls, takes out for dinner. his second family after my mother. im supposed to just sit there and suck it up, just accept the fact that he is active in their life, a real father. just suck it up and smile. the sick thing is, is that they dont see anything wrong with this, or maybe i just havent stood up for myself enough. but i have to find my voice.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 17, 2008
  2. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Sometimes the holidays are annoying. I'm sorry you're feeling so blue about them! :sad:
     
  3. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    "i hate the holidays, i wish it would all go away, christmas will be over in two weeks, i wish it were over today."

    Cruelist fucking two months of the year. Yes, I know.

    I was talking with a Christian woman earlier who expressed her own frustration. Something about Christ saying, "to the least of these, you do unto me."

    She was furious that we should even have to have a forum like this.

    Said that Christians of all people have let their fellow man down.

    NO ONE should suffer the holidays, yet every year, people are forgotten, abondoned as the dregs of life.

    She beseached of me not to blame God or Christ but rather those would allow the conditions we see today on Earth.

    Lady's starting to rev my old Baptist upbringings again, for in my studies of philosophy I have truly forgotten some of the simplest truths of which our Bible speaks.

    "its hard not being jealous of the lucky ones, people who have someone to care, who actually care about how youre feeling, the people closest to me have never cared how i feel."

    Try impossible Zoe. You gaze from the outside of a callous bubble and see people celebrating, the less fortunate be damned.

    No, it's not all that way but 'tis so too often.

    "his second family after my mother. im supposed to just sit there and suck it up, just accept the fact that he is active in their life, a real father. just suck it up and smile. the sick thing is, is that they dont see anything wrong with this, or maybe i just havent stood up for myself enough. but i have to find my voice."

    Find your voice--but don't expect to change other people.

    "the sick thing is, is that they dont see anything wrong with this"

    That's much closer to the reality. Sick, selfish, and uncaring it is.

    ToHelp
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 17, 2008
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    we will be here for the holidays, and we can be your cyber family...it does not change the RL neglectful ppl you have, but we are real web and really caing...wish it was Jan 2 for you...big hugs, J
     
  5. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Throw in a wish for me as well there, Sadeyes.

    I've said it before. The societal pressures to be joyous are a notch above my comprehension, for how can this appeal to be... joyous have anything but the cruelest effect upon those with no family or who are otherwise forgotten in the glitz?

    "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year" Huh? For WHOM?

    People need to think, to be more considerate and to embrace real compassion--compassion for others.
     
  6. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    For me it looks like a couple dvd's, some reheated chinese and a day in bed lol. My parents live too far away, and neither myself or my partner get along particularly well with her parents, so its just us.
     
  7. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Terry - Dunno who Apathy is but, but DAMN they can't be comfortable.

    :bleh: :bleh: :bleh: :bleh: :bleh: :bleh: :bleh: :bleh: :bleh: :bleh:​
     
  8. BrokenPieces

    BrokenPieces Well-Known Member

    hey there...

    i am sorry you feel that way, and its hard, because i have felt that way in the past.

    But i am sure things will look up for you, and its hard when your family does that to you, my dad's family has certainly done that to me. It takes time to get sorted out, and i am sure things will get better in the future.

    I send best wishes for you, and hope your holidays get better!!!
    Remember someone is thinking of you over the holidays, and someone out there cares for you.

    BP
     
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    Sorry the christmas time is so bad for you. I do know what you mean. I too hate christmas. My thoughts will be with you on Christmas day, hoping it is not as bad as you are anticipating.
     
  10. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Meh. I've grown jaded by now to the whole artificial time of year (mind, I'm not religious).

    Zoe and others, try this strategy, which I got from another member in PM: Just make it another day for yourself man, except turn off the blasted TV and just let the day pass.

    There's a lot to be said for consideration of the artificiality of these kinds of 'holidays' for even Christians are besieged by "buy, buy, buy, buy."

    And, surely enough, it is mostly what people of all stripes do.

    LOL, you know when my biggest purchasing days are? Whenever the hell the need or mood strikes.

    So, I don't "do" Christmas or Thanksgiving. Those times ceased being significant for me 30 year ago. When they stopped holding meaning, I slowly learned: It is foolhardy to sit, stew, wish, and envy.

    ToHelp
     
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