Another lonesome night..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ScarsandHopes, Dec 10, 2008.

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  1. ScarsandHopes

    ScarsandHopes Well-Known Member

    A few days ago I was at work (Mc'Donald's), and I was on the grill. I got bumped into and my hands plummeted towards the grill, I had a chance to stop them... but, for some reason I let them go. Needless to say my hands got burned, not just burned, but seared... I just smiled after this had happened, the pain was unbearable...

    This is a sign, one that sticks out to me. It tells me that I'm getting there.. I'm getting to sick in the head to live. It tells me that someday soon I'd better take my life or else I might turn into something worse... My life will go no where...

    I'm not wanting to kill myself now, but I am wanting to just die. I'm getting this feeling very close to every night now... I'm calm in thought and action, I'm getting more sensible when it comes to me dieing. I'm waving it off like just another thing on my to-do list. Not higher nor lower than anything else on it (Such as getting gas in my car tomorrow).

    I'm sick, this I know.. And nothing is making it go away. I'm sure most of you that have read my posts are starting to get sick of my constant whining, and I do indeed apologize for that. But, in my defense, this is the one place I feel people can listen, understand, and perhaps help me.

    I've read posts, posts about people wishing they were in a relationship, and I'm on the exact same boat, I don't just want another girl, I want something real, something that could maybe grow into something even greater. I'm feeling like I'll never find this. Life is getting crushed by the throat slowly... But surely.

    And I know in every inch of my body, mind, and soul; That if I don't find something to keep my hanging on to life by the thread soon... You know, we've all felt it at some time or another, I'm sure. I can't even cry anymore... I just feel... I can't find any other word than sociopathic. Not in the full sense, but to a sense that I just don't care anymore. Life is too long to be living every day like this. I'm sorry, but it'll be soon, I can feel it.

    To me... This is just the calm before the storm. The point where everything in my mind and body is numb.. Numb to the bone. It's almost like a disease, and there is no cure...

    And now I'm looking at the post icons. And there is not a one to show what I'm feeling. Like just a line.... :please: :help: :mellow:
     
  2. ScarsandHopes

    ScarsandHopes Well-Known Member

    And it feels like even a single tear would be a good sign now...
     
  3. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    There is always a cure, my friend. And there is someone for everyone.

    I don't find your posts annoying, you seek help, it's what we all do here. Don't feel like you're annoying to us, I can assure you, that you are not.

    I hope things improve for you soon.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi scarsandhopes

    Please don't give up hope that things won't get better because they can always get better. Have you seen a doctor about these thought you get frequently?

    When I feel that way I usually bury myself in music, hobbies or anything to take my mind away from suicide. If you need someone to talk to about it, feel free to PM me :hug:
     
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