Hi, I haven't posted an intro because I can barely even be bothered. I'm in my early 40's, have suffered from intermittent (or suppressed) depression since my mid-teens, have few friends and I think I am shit at most jobs I try. And there's been many. I have an education so should have tried for better. In 95 my best mate took his own life, in 02 my youngest brother followed and I think about it myself frequently. In the last 30yrs I've cried almost every other night, viewed the 80's as a crippling era emotionally, moved house as many times, and although I have a new job (sales, just trained) I'm now desperately low. I've been around long enough to know that nothing changes, and despite having 3 gorgeous under-5's, I can't resist the pull of what feels like the best way out. I know that feeling like this will never go, and death is the only release. F**k even bothering with anything.