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Another low bloke

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wolfen, May 21, 2010.

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  1. Wolfen

    Wolfen Member

    Hi, I haven't posted an intro because I can barely even be bothered.

    I'm in my early 40's, have suffered from intermittent (or suppressed) depression since my mid-teens, have few friends and I think I am shit at most jobs I try. And there's been many.
    I have an education so should have tried for better.

    In 95 my best mate took his own life, in 02 my youngest brother followed and I think about it myself frequently.

    In the last 30yrs I've cried almost every other night, viewed the 80's as a crippling era emotionally, moved house as many times, and although I have a new job (sales, just trained) I'm now desperately low.

    I've been around long enough to know that nothing changes, and despite having 3 gorgeous under-5's, I can't resist the pull of what feels like the best way out.

    I know that feeling like this will never go, and death is the only release. F**k even bothering with anything.
  2. shazwackers

    shazwackers Well-Known Member

    I can relate to much of what you are saying......I'm so sorry you lost your best friend and youngest brother to suicide..........My mum took her own life and you never get over it.....

    You're in such pain that you're not able to appreciate what good you do have in your life, like your lovely children. You don't say whether or not you are on medication for your depression? If not then please think about professional help asap.........your doctor may refer you to a therapist cause of your losses. I wish I had gotten help sooner than I did......I waited 7 years and it was 7 wasted years and therapy did help to some degree, just not with the suicidal feelings..........please stay here and talk some more......big hug........shaz
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    wolfen I'm sorry for your losses.....did you have any grief counceling....It really helps..
    I agree with shaz that you need to get to your doctor and tell him how you feel..
    you have a family who needs you to be there for them...they will be devestated if you go and when they're old enough to understand what you did may think that's the way for them too...
    please get help and take care....
  4. Wolfen

    Wolfen Member

    Thanks shaz & IV2010, but nothing changes - I've tried different drugs (prescribed) over the years off & on, stopped them by my own choice as I don't like being an automaton-on-a-crutch (my view), and even saw a posh, indifferent shrink in 95 (who turned up late), but nothing's worth trying any more.

    Tried counselling at least twice, but I'm old enough and experienced enough to know this. Every new job, new flat, etc, the same.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 21, 2010
  5. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    There is no single method for relieving depression because we all have different causes (biological, situational) different personalities and different physical reactions to medications.

    There are so many ways to make your depression bearable Wolfen and most of them can be found in the experiences of this forum's members. If medication or talk therapy hasn't helped much then there are over the counter supplements in the HEAL section and then there is always physical exercise. Something will work to edge off. :arms:
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Tried counselling at least twice, but I'm old enough and experienced enough to know this.
    I understand where you're at wolfen and nothing seems to offer hope...but there is always hope while you're still here.
    I am way older than you and I'm still learning new things from my councelor.....
    I had many councelors over the years and have only found 2 beneficial to me...I had a psych who was great and another who was useless...I'v had so many different meds and finally found one that helps me and doesn't make me into a zombie....I will take it forever if it helps keep me stable....I have tragic circumstances happen to me and that's why I'm here trying to cope....(you can pm if you want to know why)...
    I urge you to go get more help....
    try every med till you get one you're happy with....
    try every councelor till you find one you like...
    try another less arrogant shrink...
    talk here till you get rid of some of the burden..
    but don't give up...try for your you and your children...
    keep trying......please
  7. Wolfen

    Wolfen Member

    Thanks IV2010

    I know theoretically you're right, but it has never felt that way. Being on meds is (for me) fake.

    I'll soldier on for my kids' sake, but I just don't enjoy this shit society, world in general or the people in it, who can't be trusted or admired.
  8. Lost45678

    Lost45678 Member

    I just wanted to say that I'm listening to you Wolfen. I wish I disagreed with you enough to say anything positive beyond that. You're not alone in the way you feel, if that helps any.
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