Another low.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by specialk112285, Aug 10, 2011.

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  1. Today I just can't seem to pull myself together. The stress is piled up, I am nautious to the point I am about to vomit, and I can feel that nothing good is going to come out of it all by the end of the day.

    I have been fighting the urge to cut since I layed down lastnight, I just don't know how much longer I can. I want some type of relief from everything that is going on. Ending it has crossed my mind a few times, but after my last failed attempt I don't really feel like waking up a few days from now in the icu on a ventalator again, it's expensive and next time I want to make sure I wont wake up. I've even went as far as filed for a dnr order for myself. I Know it will hurt alot of people when that day comes, but everyone is always telling me to put myself first for a change and well... I don't want to feel the pain of life anymore.

    I fell like no matter how hard I try to pull myself out of this slump, and try to make things right with the people who care most I do nothing but wrong. I've always been a good person so all the negativity , harsh words, broken friendships and crashing relationship is really taking a toll. I've always been the strong one for everyone else. I think it's my time to be weak and just give up.

    If you made it through all that sorry. It's pretty pointless, I think I just needed to vent.
     
  2. NiceGuYKC

    NiceGuYKC Well-Known Member

    Please try and hang on. Your story about waking up in hospital after a failed attempt, had a huge impact on me. When I first found this place, I was so f*cked up and sad. I was certain I was going to kill myself, absolutely 100% certain at the time. Now only a few weeks later, I feel way better. I don't want to die now, well at least not for a few more years. Please give yourself some more time. Let the good peple here, try and comfort you. Please wait awhile, to see if things get better.:hug::hug:
     
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hello specialk,

    I have had the good fortune of being able to read what you write. I hope you have benefited a great deal from being on SF.

    With kindest personal regards,

    Alex
     
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