Another "My current situation" posting - You're all tired of these right? :P

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by hellwithhugewounds, Dec 28, 2008.

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  1. hellwithhugewounds

    hellwithhugewounds Well-Known Member

    I have been seriously considering suicide for over 2 years now. Even though I don't know when it's gonna happen, I'm sure I will die by my own hands. If not today, then tomorrow, if not tomorrow, then next week, etc. In fact, I've never been so sure about anything else in my whole life. That's kind of weird, that the only thing that I'm sure about in my life is that I myself will end it... The more I plan out the specifics of how I end my life (Since I'm a high school student so it's kinda hard to find a way to do it painlessly and without my parents finding out beforehand) the more the unknown date for my end seems to approach. In fact that now all the details have been worked out, I've already put the final date in the very near future. I've found... strangely... that the state of mind this has put me in is... not unpleasant. Not mournful... or having a complete breakdown... but in kind of a state of zen. My mind is in a state of deep philosophical thought that it has never been before in my life. It's calm, like it doesnt fear what's to come. I feel like I'm ranting now, so I'll just end by saying this is my current predicament. I'm curious to see what comments people will come up with. :anyone:

    Btw... :sf:
  2. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    Ive been through the same thing.... exactly. It's a state of knowing that all your pain will be gone soon and that you have found a simple, quick, and easy (compared to other solutions) way of ending it. I felt the exact same thing before my first attempt. Of course, now look at what's happened... Im still alive. Im not saying your attempt would fail, but I want to point out something. Despite the fact that youve figured out an idea to end your pain, it's definately not the best solution. Sure it's the easiest, but that's not really the point to life to take the easy way out. Think back and im sure there are lots of times you could have taken the "easy" way out, but you didnt. There are other solutions to solving your problem other than suicide. It's probably hard to think of them tho, and that's a major part of what getting help (like on here) is... by getting help your looking for other solutions to help you overcome your pain.

    So yes, suicide is of course an option, Im not going to deny that, but it's a simple and easy option, and it will end up hurting others as well. I think youll need to explore all your options and try them, even if they seem difficult or almost impossible. Suicide, if anything, should be the very last option, and for as long as possible, not even consider it an option. Once you find another solution that works, you wont need suicide as an option :)

    Hope that helps. Tell us more about why your feeling this way too if you can so we can help you out better :)
  3. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    on my last attempt, it was the nigt of my friends 21st, and we were in a club at the time when it just dawned on me that this was the night i was going to do what i'd been planning and i'd do it once i got home.
    for those 2 hours in that club, i didnt move, i stood by a cigarette machine near a back entrence just breathing cool air, and i was the happpiest i've been in a very long time. I just stood and was at peace, the thought that it would be over was holding me, and i was peaceful in that thought.

    of course i'm still here, and cant do a damn thing about it for the moment. but in that moment i was sereen.
  4. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member

    Hello! Yeah it's funny how the psychology of our minds work. What is supposed to happen will/might happen.. some things are just meant to happen this way. It is your personal choice.

    Look at the latest news about Israeli forces bombing the Gaza strip after Hamas attacked the Israeli border.. Israel killed many civilians (a third are civilians, among 220+ dead, 700+ wounded).. none of them done any wrong, but they're meant to be dead by the air strike.. nothing could stop that from happening.

    Although you want to commit suicide, you "know" that you're also fighting your other part of you that doesn't want to commit suicide. Unless you know for sure that this will happen, it will happen. If not, it won't happen as you will fight with yourself and your higher instinct of survival will take place and you will survive.

    Good luck and much love to you bro
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