Found this site yesterday at about 3am my time. I'm not quite sure what to expect here but I'm giving it a chance I suppose. Being an introduction post I think it'd be best to start with an introduction to myself, I am Zach. Zach is, however just a name, so I guess I should define myself now? I don't fully understand myself, and I think it's impossible to fully understand ones self, much less another person... that is how I am choosing to ask you to please bear with me. My state of mind is one of intense apathy to everything. I used to care but now I can't be bothered. Apathy with a mixture of depression and the end result is a constant lack of the ability to connect with people. I feel like life is some horrible board game where the only way to win is to cheat and deal with the unending rules and obnoxious people and all the while I'm yelling at everyone "I don't want to play anymore, I NEVER wanted to play." And now I can't help but ask myself why I continue to play the game. I'm tired and I'd like to sleep. I can't help but feel like dying would be nothing but a short burst of intense euphoria followed by nothingness. I don't believe in any manner of God or afterlife and I believe death would be a lot like pre-life. I am no longer capable of love, that part of myself is already dead and I'm glad it's gone in all honesty. I'm am not the most intelligent person in the world and as such I will never be able to obtain some high paying job. So my life is what? I'm expected to live for the next 70 years or so making barely enough money to live and never having a connection with people? And they say suicide is selfish... Wouldn't it be more selfish to expect somebody to be willingly trapped doing something they hate just so the "loved ones" wouldn't be slightly inconvenienced? Well the surface of me has been scratched I suppose and so I'll stop ranting for now. I don't know what to expect here as I said earlier but I'm giving it a chance... I feel like I mostly just want to put down my feelings somewhere while I still have the chance too.