Hi all, Another new guy here, I am 35 and have had problems for most of my life. Up until the last few years though they have been quite manageable. I suffered from severe mental abuse from a teacher in primary school which really destroyed my self image for many years. I had to work really hard at it for close on 20 yrs to get to a point where I thought she was actually wrong, but unfortunately even though I managed to control the depression and suicidal thoughts I believe it has given me a pre-disposition to negative thinking. My big problem now though is health, I have always been fit and healthy with a few niggles but nothing major. About 10 yrs ago it (or should I say I) all started to fall apart. It started with sinus problems, moved onto migraines, then bad hips, then bad knees. 3 years ago I woke up with a really sore neck which went to my back as well and has stayed ever since. I also have 14 peptic ulcers to add to the mix which I thought were healing with medical treatment but they have gotten worse than ever lately. There just does not seem to be a specialist that can help me with any of these problems, they do not actually say I don't know but I've seen that look of frustration so many times as a specialist realises his treatment is not working that I can recognise it. I had operations on both hips 8 weeks ago but am not seeing the improvement the surgeon was expecting, and he can't figure out why. My life is now just a series of constant pain which does not seem to have an end. I would not call myself suicidal, but I can honestly say that the only reason for me not to do it is because I know my wife would hate me forever. She would not see it philosophically. I had suicidal thoughts many times before but it was always a bit fancifull in reality, kind of a way of imagining an escape if you will. Now is different though, it's genuine....I really want to die......because there is no way to make yourself feel better about physical pain.....it's there all the time and you can't see it in a more positive way, it's pain, it hurts no matter which way you try to view it. My reason for being here is that I don't want to feel this way, especially since I know for my Wife I will never do it, but that just makes it even more frustrating. Is there anyone who has dealt with health issues like these for a long time, but finally managed to sort them all. Hearing that this has happened is the only thing that can really help right now, I can't ignore the pain but maybe I can at least convince myself that it can end. Wow this is really long, sorry guys!!!!!!! Cheers.