Another Newb

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ohmeohmy, Feb 18, 2015.

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  1. ohmeohmy

    ohmeohmy Member

    Hi There, I'm one of those that are quietly depressed. I've been trying to stay positive, and take care of myself in the ways I know I need to like getting exercise, eating well etc. But, i guess I still feel hopeless. I moved to a new country and city a couple of years ago, and have never really got my feet on the ground. I was doing pretty well in my career before I moved, but now I just can't seem to get my feet on the ground. I"m married, which is great, but my husband has been diagnosed with Lyme Disease and has no energy and isn't working. We don't have insurance. With neither of us bringing in money we're beyond broke. Yesterday I felt good, and hopeful like something good was going to come like a response to a job application, or a positive meeting or something. The hope yesterday has only made me feel worse today. I have so much disappointment and really do not like my life right now. Thanks for listening/reading. xo
  2. Jabez

    Jabez Well-Known Member

    Hey, ohmeohmy;

    Sorry to hear you are having trouble settling in to your new home. I have moved around a lot (from state to state but always within one country) because of my husband's work, and every time I have found it harder and harder to make new connections. I have always suffered from depression, which I think makes it harder to reach out and connect. But I also think the feeling of isolation which comes from not knowing people and the little subtle cultural differences is really hard and depressing in its own right. Moving countries is a challenge I am glad I have not had to face! I also hear what your saying about feeling hopeful! I sometimes dread the positive days more than the really terrible, sad, suicidal days, because I know that they will end and the loss of hope hurts all the more.

    Congratulations on looking after yourself and staying healthy. This is so hard when you are depressed. Even though I know I feel better (not good, but better!) when I exercise, eat well, etc., it seemed so hard after the last move to keep trying all over again. After 3 years in one place I was finally healthy and relatively happy, and had made a few good friends. Then I was forced to move again. I Just gave up. Now I wish I had kept trying, as being unfit and overweight and unhealthy just makes it even harder to fight the depression. We have been here 4 years now, I've met heaps of lovely people, but I still don't have any close friends who I feel I can go to for a cuppa or a shoulder to cry on if I'm having a bad day.

    I do know though from my previous experience that if you hang in there, keep looking after yourself but reach out and let other people help too, it can get better. I really hope you can find the support you need. I think that joining the forum here is a great step. I'm new too, but there seem to be a heap of friendly, supportive people. I hope you find it helpful. I don't really understand how the chat and PM works, but I'm happy to talk if you want.

    Please hang in there. Keep looking after yourself. Don't give up on yourself like I did. You deserve better, and it will get better!
    Best wishes!
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum, hope you find it helps you :)
  4. ohmeohmy

    ohmeohmy Member

    Hi JayBird,

    Thanks so much for writing. It really does help to share our experiences and feel that we're not so alone. I really appreciate your words, and am feeling glad that I joined. It can be hard to form new friendships when getting to know someone = revealing how difficult it is. I struggle with this notion that we're supposed to stay positive. That its my negative thinking that perpetuates being stuck. Sometimes it just feels really good to call it like it is. So, thanks again. I hope you are finding ways to be loving to yourself. Looking forward to chatting more. xoohmeohmy
  5. Jabez

    Jabez Well-Known Member

    Hi again, ohmeohmy! Glad you're finding it helpful. I am too. My mood is all over the place at the moment, hopeful one minute, depressed the next, but being able to be honest and open about that is so refreshing. I've spent so much time and energy on trying to keep a positive mask on - unsuccessfully!, - that it's nice to let it slip for a bit.

    After writing to you earlier I realised just how much I am missing having that friend to just have a cuppa with... So I've decided I need to just get out there and have another go, and risk being rejected. scary!

    Of course, since I'm stuck at home at the moment after a stupid accident it might be a while before I get to act on that... And I may well chicken out in the meantime... Maybe I need someone to hold me to it!

    I hope things are looking up, maybe some positive news on the job front. Job hunting is so hard, putting yourself out there and selling your positive attributes, what you can offer, when you don't feel positive or like you have anything! And risking the knock-backs. I don't know where you're living, but I think pretty well everywhere in the world is pretty competitive for jobs at the moment. What work do you do (please don't answer if you don't feel comfortable...). I am lucky enough to have permanent work in my field. I have been thinking that I might need to change jobs lately though - my work has been really challenging constantly triggering stress and anxiety, but I really can't face gong through the whole process of finding another job at the moment. I'm thinking of you, and hoping you have some success really soon!

    Keep well! JayBird
  6. ohmeohmy

    ohmeohmy Member

    Hi JayBird,

    Thanks again for writing. I really like receiving your notes, and I apologize for the delay in responding. Yesterday was a busy one for me. Today is much better though. I feel like I'm getting things done. I have a list, and am happily going through and checking off tasks. Good little bursts of oxytocin....or is it serotonin? Anyway!

    Good for you in recognizing how much you miss having that friend to have a cuppa with, and for deciding to go out there and give it another go! I will be happy to be your partner in that, and to hold you accountable -- remind you of your desire, and have that outweigh any of those fears or good reasons not to come up.

    Re: risking being rejected, I totally feel you! I think if you approach it as a bit of a game, or an experiment, it could help take some of that pressure off of feeling 'not liked' or rejected or whatever. I have been using that analogy in my job search, and (when I'm feeling positive/empowered) it really makes sense, and I believe it. I liken it to being an actor going out for an audition (I'm not an actress, though I do work in the entertainment industry and know a lot of actors, and have sat at the casting table etc.). Anyway, when I don't get a callback or job offer or whatever, I tell myself that I just wasn't the right fit for the part. It gives me confidence in myself, this knowing that people are either going to get me / see me and what value I can offer, or they are not. It's nothing personal (though, it sure can feel like it!). Does that make sense? Perhaps there is something there that you can apply to opening up and striking new friendships. You may need to have several coffees with five different people to find the one who clicks. Those that don't click, its just that, not a match.

    How long are you in recovery from your accident for?

    To answer your questions, I live in LA. it sounds so cliche!! But, I really did have a lot going for me in my career before making the move. I don't think I thought it would be easy, I just didn't expect it to be this hard.

    Hope you're having a good day! Thanks again for thinking of me, and for writing. It really does make a difference. Dare I say, we have found a new friend?!! :)

    Take care,
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