Another newbie

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by MsBuggity, Apr 21, 2010.

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  1. MsBuggity

    MsBuggity Member

    Hi all. First off, I dunno how long I'll be able to 'attend' this site. I don't have internet access at home, so I can only be on here at work (which is realllllly not a good idea); or from the library (which means I'll have to find some energy to get there). But, I'm here today, so I guess that's something.

    I'm not really sure why I'm here. I have an elderly dog that lives for me; and I for her. I'm hanging on until she's gone; then I plan on going sometime after her. So...I guess I'm here to help me hang on until then.

    I've suffered from depression almost my entire life, and this year has been the WORST. I plan on talking to my doc about it next month and seeing if she has any shred of hope for me to continue hanging onto; but until then, I don't have any of my own.

    In the past week, I've had several people reach out to me. They're all worried. They love me and care about me. But you know what I realized? All their love can't save me. Only mine can. And I don't have any of that, either.

    I'm just soooo freaking tired of fighting this. I'm tired, and I'm ready to go. Anyway, I'm usually more "Up", even when I'm depressed. But I've read a couple different threads, and it seems safe to be ME here. Doesn't seem like I have to put on my mask and pretend to be somebody I'm not.

    So...there you have it. My depressing ol' self. Yippee. is up with this ?------> :Jehuty: It's cute...just kinda'....odd. (no offense) ;)

    BTW...I have a wicked sense of humor that comes out at the oddest times. So...fair warning. :)
  2. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to SF.

    I know what it's like to hang on for a pet. I hung on for my cat. I loved her so much.

    This year has been hard too. This last month, I have wanted to kill myself alot. So I know how you feel.

    I hope you find the support that you need!
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just want to say hi and glad you reached out here for some support animals can be a life send really they give all kinds of love
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...glad you feel you can be yourself here and that you have come here to see what support is available...just one question, can you move up your MD appointment? Maybe someone can see you sooner...welcome again...big hugs, J
  5. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Welcome to sf hun :)
    if you ever need someone i am here. My msn is on my profile also you can shoot me a pm :)
  6. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums, Buggity.

    Heh, well humor is a defense against the universe. That's what I've heard, and I believe it to be true.

    I hope you find the support you need here.
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum :hug:
  8. shamps

    shamps Well-Known Member

    Welcome and im glad you have hung onto your sense of humour...........reach out here whenever you need to :hug:
  9. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    :welcome: to SF, hope to see you around sometime. If you ever need to talk you can always pm me :yay::boogie:
  10. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome to SF!
  11. MsBuggity

    MsBuggity Member

    Thanks, All! I'm going on a weeklong vacation to NC starting today. As soon as I return, I'm going into the Stress Center here in Indy. I've got an appt with them next Monday, and I'll start group therapy that night. (Three nights a week, 6 - 9pm, and I won't miss any work.)

    I had an epiphany the other day: everything I hate about myself is the qualities I got from my mother. So...either I need to figure out how to forgive her; or forgive myself; or how to change those qualities. And actually, it's probably all the above.

    But, I'm doing much better now that I'm outta work for a bit AND on my way to getting help.

    To everybody else out there that's hurting: please hang in there and keep moving forward. You just NEVER know when the sun is finally going to shine again for you.

    I'll be back after vacation. :)
  12. blackberry_rain

    blackberry_rain New Member

    Hi! I'm Val. I know how you feel about your dog, I had a German Shepherd mix for almost 15 years. She had such a personality, and it hurt me so much when she was gone. But oddly enough, once the shock of her being gone was over, a new little dog showed up at home, out of nowhere, and has been with my family ever since. She has a similar attitude, too. I like to think that after Lady left, she was reincarnated and came back as Susie.
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