**Another Night Of Temptation**

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Marshmallow, Jan 16, 2007.

  1. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    I don't even know what i feel anymore. Putting on this mask for people. Trying to hide it. I don't think i can let anyone in any more. I can't let people get close to me. See how i truely feel. Everyday i put on a mask when deep down im dying. I wanna self harm so badly right now. I did the distraction technique that usually helps but this time it hasn't. I wanna so badly. I have the knife next to me. The same knife i haven't even thought about using in weeks and now its laying next to me, ready for me to use it. Waiting for me to use it. I know im gonna break my new years resolution. I know it will proberbly in the next hour or so. Im so close right now, the only thing thats stopping me is typing this. Typing because i know if i take my hands off this key board, i'll go for the knife. I need to badly. Im nearly in tears. Every night its the same thing. Mood swings, wanting to cut/burn. Im not even urging to burn but cut because it will do more damage. For over a month i haven't do anything but right now im willing to throw it all away. :cry:

    What the hell is wrong with me :sad:
  2. lostcat95

    lostcat95 Guest

    You r fine! It's not you
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    You are suffering from depression that you most definately do not deserve to have and I wish you weren't suffering from it right now! :sad:
  4. jjustme

    jjustme Guest

    ahhhhhhh:eek:hmy: Vikki how are you doing???:sad: I hope you feel allright...
    Take care! :hug::hug:
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hey hun, ermmmm guess im doing better. Still got the 'happy mask' on but guess thats how its allways gonna be. I can't afford to let anyone to close to me. It will just cause them hurt and myself hurt. I can't risk that again. So its best if i keep this 'mask' on for the time being. No one needs to get to know me.

    Okies that turned into a mini rant hehe sowwy!
  6. kath

    kath Well-Known Member

    Dont be sorry!!!!Rant away.i understand what you mean about feeling you need to keep the mask on and that no-one needs to get to know you and that if they do then it will only likely cause you hurt and them.i understand that so much.i feel that about myself a lot at the moment.My relationships only ever seem to end in me causing myself hurt and often other people too_Or at least thats often how it feels.i really really want to get to know you though.......the real you.But i know many of us will wear a mask a lot of the time.i think a lot of us do in life.i hope you can be brave enough to slowly slowly let people in though.i know its so hard though especially if you have been hurt or had things go wrong many many time.

    i think i would be priviledged to get to know the reeal you though and you sound very similar to me!!!!!