another NYE alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sweetles, Dec 31, 2014.

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  1. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    This will be my fifth new year's eve completely alone. I don't care about parties and clubbing...all I ever wished for was someone to hug or kiss me at midnight. But in five years I have never received even a phone call or text. No one thinks of me when a new year strikes. So I just sit alone, drinking, crying, pretending to watch TV. My cat scooter used to cuddle with me and lick the tears from my face. But she is dead now. So this will be the worst yet.

    This is my "resolution"--2015 will be my Last New Year. The very last. Done.
     
  2. cymbele

    cymbele SF Supporter

    NYE is over rated. I too am alone on NYE. I don't know how old you are but I just came from a NYE get together where all except me went/left to go to bed by 10;30pm. I just came home alone . I'm sorry for scooter cats are great companions.
    It is early for NY here on the East coast but a virtual hug is being sent your way. {{HUGS}}
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello sweetles,

    I am sorry to hear about your cat and your suffering. Sorry the holidays have been lonely for you.It seems you are very isolated from everyone, do you suffer from anxiety? How old are you? Please do not give up. People care enough about you to reply to you here so I don't think you should give up quite yet. :hug:
     
  4. Zaheer

    Zaheer Account Closed

    May this New Year give you the courage to triumph over your vices and embrace the virtues. :hugsquish:
     
  5. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    Cymbele, at least you were invited to something tonight. I never have been, even years ago when I was part of a "couple"... He had the friends and got the invites, i was the tagalong.

    Petal, I am a very much adult woman, approaching mid 30s. Yes i have anxiety issues, related to my depression. Would be much easier if it were the other way around. But this has been 30-plus years of ceaseless pain, and the last 5 yrs have been the worst. I was barely holding on when I had a mate, now that I am alone in every possible way it feels more and more illogical to keep up this struggle. No one will miss me, and I am fairly healthy...and an organ donor. So it won't all be a waste.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I understand how low you may be feeling, but as time goes on, thoughts and feelings change. That is why people so often say don't make any rash decisions while feeling very upset and impulsive So you say you are healthy, physically healthy which is great (I have both physical and mental illness), use that to your advantage, exercise might help you feel better or volunteering, something that is meaningful. I just hope you do not take this way out, it definitely would be a waste because life can always get better. I know that is cliche but it really can improve.
     
  7. sweetles

    sweetles Well-Known Member

    It has not improved in 34 years. But, when i have thought things could not possibly get worse, they always have. Much worse. The reality is that sometimes, for some people, it does not get better. And it is cruel, not to mention irresponsible, to spout off "your life will improve" rhetoric to any and every suicidal or severely depressed person. I've always found more comfort in logic and statistics, even when they don't spell out a happy ending.
     
  8. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Logic and statistics point very decidedly towards an improvement for the vast majority. 34 is not young perhaps, but it is also not very old at all. In the US average age of marriage is 29, in many countries it is over 30 so claiming a lifetime of alone is really a bit premature. For other logic and statistics , if you do any research you will find that well over 80% recover completely from depression with continued and steady treatment.

    So far as being alone on NYE , I might point out your somewhat militant stance towards the holiday season in general and apparent glee at getting your coworkers to be disallowed any form of celebration in the work place due to your personal beliefs may be a very big part of the reason you are not on the A-list for New Years Eve celebrations and best wishes. Most people do not really differentiate the Christmas and New Years holiday period nor see it as a religious thing so most would presume your issue is with holidays, and complete refusal to celebrate is certainly the vibe you seem to give off. I am sorry you were alone for new years , though admittedly unsure why it matters more than any other night. While I was not alone, I was in bed at 9:30 which is about an hour later than typical and not by my choice really. I would say the entire NYE issue is much about the fairytale and glee you scorn at other times in my opinion, so I would doubt most people would expect it to have significant meaning to you. Ultimately you bear some responsibility as well - how many happy new years cards or texts did you send to others last night?

    Finding companions- people or animals - is not an impossible task even with depression and anxiety. Animal companions cannot be replaced, but there is no reason to decide to go without one except choice if you are in a place that allows them which apparently you are. I foster animals because there is not enough room in the shelters anymore there are so many looking for real homes. People companions are only slightly more difficult, and boils down to choice. You decide which is more painful or difficult, facing the anxiety or being alone. There are a lot of choices we all make everyday that influence what happens in our day to day lives. Sometimes the way to change our day to day live is to reconsider some of our own choices.
     
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