Hi there guys! Another one here.. Born and raised in Russia, live in US now, male, 28, self-diagnosed borderline and schizoid personality disorder. Lonely, rejecting, idealistic, learning to be honest all the time. Suicidal thoughts lately have been pretty active. I usually write down different ways of killing myself but this time want to try forum. Found a lot of positive energy in buddhism practice and psychedelics. Play music and write poems sometimes. It seems that with evolution in our consciousness we are struggling more with creating authentic connection and I feel just like that. I can't be myself as I have no "self".. Its so fragmented and vague that I can't say much about my personality. Life in society hurts me as I can't truly relate to no one. I work with animals at an animal shelter, trying to avoid relationships as I feel inability to love and dont want to play games anymore. I read a lot, practice buddhism, take psychedelics. Tried getting professional help but where I live I can't afford it (unless if I lie again and pretend I have no job and bring fake papers), and it just saddened me more. My family (Mom and older brother) live abroad and well aware of my "moods". Any links or ideas are greatly appreciated!