Another one... -.-

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Perrin, Oct 13, 2010.

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  1. Perrin

    Perrin Member

    Another guy threatening to kill himself, but probably is too scared to ever do it!
    So, there's my story...

    I'm the strangest person you'll ever find! This is due to some mental problems... maybe, maybe it's just fate!
    I have something close to double personality, the difference is that I'm both of them at the same time! I even named them... It's Junos and Perrin. Junos is emotional, Perrin is unable to feel (they are not the good guy and the evil guy... some people think that when I say double personality), what makes me unable to feel things as much as you.
    Besides that, I'm gay, which makes my life harder!
    And (yes, another brain problem) I'm a therian... I believe that my soul isn't human. In my case, I'm a wolf...
    I have a great hate for humans, human behavior and such...

    And example of my lack of feelings:
    My ex-boyfriend and I were dating for 3 months... and then another guy comes on to me. I talk to that guy for a week. At the start, I still loved my ex (as much as I can) and IN JUST A WEEK I lost all feelings for him, and betrayed him. In 4 days I started dating the other guy (my current boyfriend), while still in a relationship with my ex!
    So much drama, right? xD

    (warning to everyone that is thinking about killing himself: the following part contains some truths you may not like to know, so I suggest that, if you are thinking about suicide, turn around)

    Perrin (the unable to feel guy, that, because of that condition, is incredibly rational) came out with this reason not to kill myself:
    Everything ends, nothing is eternal (this is an absolute truth), therefore, life means nothing... that may seem like a reason to kill myself. But if in the end it's all the same, it's better to live my life without worries, no responsibility, cause it will be the same! So, the meaning of life is: be happy!
    Well, Perrin CAN'T feel, so he can't be happy. So, as long as Perrin exists, I can't be happy.
    If I can't be happy, there is no reason for me to live.

    I will take some time until i gather the strength to do it, first I want to write a book about all my theories (I have lots of them... they would change your life)
    My decision is taken, you cannot change it.
    But I want to see you try
    Give me reasons to stay alive...


    And, another warning... I will try to destroy those reasons you give me, so any person thinking about killing himself should go away now! Don't read the comments!
    That was why I chose such an unappealing title, cause suicidal people will see the "best way to die" post first!

    And thanks for reading this post, as long as the bible!... xD
  2. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    Being happy doesn't mean not being responsible.

    People who think that way are the kind of people who have 10 children and then tell others that life is always a struggle and that anyone who isn't struggling is also avoiding responsibility. Well, if you have 1 child instead of 10 it gives you more time to NOT suffer. People who make GOOD choices can be happy and responsible, but if you can't make good choices then life WILL be a struggle. It's all in how you frame a question and what your knowledge base is. Food is necessary, but not everyone has to be a farmer. Having children is necessary for our species, but not everyone has to reproduce. Having a healthcare system is necessary, but not everyone has to be a doctor. It's all in the mind. If you understand this world and you're a studied wise person then you do not have to suffer to be responsible.

    I think that young people (especially) and naive people (maybe they're from another dimension) and people with a history of making bad choices will think that being happy means not being responsible. They base their opinions on their limited experience.

    Your mind can both free you and imprison you.

    And contrary to popular belief, people who're not responsible are NOT anymore happy than any other random group of people. In fact, I would argue that irresponsible people started out NOT being happy and that's in fact WHY they're irresponsible.

    I relate more to perrin, but not because I don't have emotions. Only because emotions are untrustworthy (completely subjective).
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2010
  3. Perrin

    Perrin Member

    I know, I know, sorry... my english isn't perfect, I shouldn't use the word responsibility in this case.
    What I meant was not to regret anything! If you have this mentality were you live in the present, and do what makes you happy always... you can be poor, hated and living in the streets, but you are happy!

    And what an odd anti-suicide strategy... to destroy my logic could make me sad, what makes me wanna kill myself! If you tried to destroy the logic that supports me wanting to die, then you had a point... but if I'm saying I can't feel as much as you all, what matter if happiness is responsibility or not?
    Be careful, I may hate humans, but I know them... and what you just did could end up badly if you did it to someone else!

    Not saying I shouldn't be criticized... but only criticize the things that actually change something, at least in a forum like this!

    that's why he can be smart... anyone can, if the person denies, or doesn't have, emotions!
  4. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    I don't have split personality, but I do battle my emotions. I wish I didn't have them, but I do not know what the consequences of that would be. I am not pretentious about it, though. I don't pretend to know what would happen in a world without emotion like some people do. I just am cautious about it. If I was given the ability to remove emotion from my life, this caution would probably prevent me from doing so unless I had science on my side and it was a reasoned choice based on evidence and peer review.

    One of the emotions I battle with is sadness. Sadness about people dying, getting old, changing, or not being able to change themselves so they're happy. I get sad when others aren't happy. So anything that makes people unhappy (that's a lot of things), henceforth (it follows), makes me unhappy.

    Another emotion is self-hate. I hate myself when I feel incapable or have not done what i should in life. I hate myself even more when I think that my inability to act in life has somehow made others unhappy. It's vicious a vicious cycle that's like a fat person not being able to move around so they get fatter and fatter.

    Love. I love everyone, great and small. Sometimes I am not sure what the difference is between love and sadness.

    And euphoria. This is a spiritual feeling. I get this when I listen to certain music or when I think about space and the universe and its massive size both spatially and time-wise. It makes me feel so small and then I think about the mystery of ancient alien derelict technology that silently sits in deep space. I have many dreams at night about alien things and universe things that wouldn't make any sense if I was awake. And all of the many planets and empty moons. They're countless. It's ominous (euphoric), like god. I get this feeling when I help others and feel a part of a constructive social network. Just smiling to someone else on the street makes me feel like I'm somehow helping them. Everything from feeling useful to them to whatever makes them smile or content. I've got this feeling when I used to pray to god and pray with others. I don't believe in god anymore so I no longer get euphoria from that.

    So I think emotions can hurt people. I am not sure whether they're a net positive or a net negative for our species. This is why I would not completely eradicate them. I simply do not trust them and try to avoid them whenever it's both responsible and timely.

    I think environment probably hurts people more than emotions do. It's hard to change our environment. It's costly. So people get stuck in it. Whether it's their body or mind or house or neighborhood or friends or history or so on. I wish I could give others new environments with the push of a button. I wish I could do the same for myself. I think we decay when we stagnate, we rott like an old leftover banana, when our environment doesn't change. So, I think environment hurts us more than our emotions do, at the present time.

    Of course, we get attached to things in our environment and sometimes don't want them changed. I understand that and it's an issue with me because I don't want others to be unhappy. If they're, then I'm unhappy too. However, our environment can sometimes drag us down and it's important to understand when this is the case so we can make good choices to build a positive future. Having acknowledged here that people sometimes don't want certain things changed, I think more people are unhappy because they can't afford to change their environment than people who're unhappy because they don't want it changed. That's of course my own estimation.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2010
  5. Perrin

    Perrin Member

    Don't wish you didn't had emotions... it's sad in a "can't be sad" way!
    Well, I'm sorry if I'm making you sad...!

    But I'm glad I didn't get a "don't kill yourself, we need you,everyone loves you" kind of reply! Glad to talk to a person that I can talk to rationally... :)
    And, emotions are what makes humanity! Humans would be absolutely perfect if it wasn't for them... and if humans didn't feel anything, they would come to my conclusion that life is pointless if you can't be happy.

    Having emotions is a gift! It gives you the power, and a reason to dismiss certain thoughts... you don't need the truth when you feel things, cause feelings have their own truth!
    I came to the conclusion that life is pointless! Any human being with feelings can't put this though into it's mind...

    Having emotions is a way not to be sad and to survive! Being sad is a way not to be sad.
    I wish I could have them... at least, as much as all of you...
  6. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    The reason I mentioned responsibility is because you can't live in this world without being at least minorly responsible. If no one was at least somewhat responsible, then everyone would die because our bodies need food and water and air to survive. Just caring for your body, eating, sleeping, going to the bathroom and other simple things are responsibilities. This is even the case if you have the resources supplied to you. Acquiring these resources is just an added responsibility. We wouldn't have things like food or clean water if people didn't work to acquire them. All of these things are cumulative responsibilities, like eating or sleeping or hygiene or caring for yourself or making money or growing a garden or building a home. If you have a life of minor responsibility, then you must either be lucky that others are generous or you must make up for it somehow by helping them in return. That would mean you would have to add additional responsibilities to your minor list of responsibilities. Either way, there's no way to not have minor amounts of responsibility in life.

    And also because I know more people that're sad and not responsible than people who're happy and not responsible.

    If I intimidate you with my long paragraphs don't feel awkward. This is who I am. I have fierce opinions and would write 10 page essays if I felt like it. I have no problem at all writing like this on and on and on and on. I love to spell correct and attempt to write correctly. I make many errors, but I try to hold myself to a higher standard in forums. This doesn't make me better than other people, it just means that I spend more time making my posts than they do. I remember an essay for a class. The guy next to me did his in an hour or two. I spent 3 or 4 hours on mine. Mine looked better, but it doesn't mean I am smarter than him. People make that mistake all the time when they read something someone wrote. It just means they spend more time making sure it's good. In RL I am a failed person who has not succeeded in life. I am small and aimless. I write as though I know it all, but I do not. I just like to write and write and write to a fault.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2010
  7. johnnysays

    johnnysays Well-Known Member

    You mentioned you hate humans.

    Do you hate certain ideals or political leanings? For some sickening reason I hate conservatives. I am a liberal, and that's just simply a reality I do not always like. I do not associate myself with democrats. Nonetheless, I have displeasure in the presence of conservatives. I feel like I'm suffocating and having to break myself apart in too many places to meet their needs and sense of direction. So either I get in an argument with them or I simply shut up and feel bottled up. Which is of course why I don't like them.

    When I think of being happy I think of the future, I don't think of 1950 or the past (supposedly better than today). I realize not all conservatives identify with the past, at least outwardly, but a whole heck a lot of them do identify with traditional, historical things. I mean, in all honesty, they're dripping wet with the past and it's very typical for them to say otherwise.

    Before I start getting mad I'll stop.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2010
  8. Perrin

    Perrin Member

    I just hate everything on humans! How they live their lives based on illusions... their happiness is fake, they create reasons for things knowing they're wrong!
    I really don't have much logical bases for this... it's because I'm a therian, I somehow developed a hate for humans, and human behavior!
    That's what makes me this suicidal, mostly... even if I found a completely logical reason to live, I want to die anyways, because I don't belong!

    And I'm liberal too! It would be awkward, a gay guy trying to ban gay marriage! xD
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