Another Piece of My Life Gone-Sold My Soul

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Godsdrummer, Feb 27, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Basically that is what I did. For those that know me, I lived and breathed drums. From the time I was 12 until my current age of 45, drums have been my gift from God and at the very heart of my soul.

    I had to sell them last week for money to pay bills.

    I still have the church band, as the church has their own kit. But needless to say, I am going to have to quit the Christian rock band I was asked to join.

    It feels like my heart has been ripped outta me. :sigh:
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :sad: I'm really sorry. :hug:
     
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I'm real sorry, Bill. :(

    :console:
     
  4. Chocolate Heartache

    Chocolate Heartache Active Member

    I'm so sorry. I had to sell my sax when I was at uni, I remember the feeling - your instrument's like your first-born child. I'm sorry it came to that.
     
  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Thanks guys. And I dont know if the day will come when I will ever get another one.
     
  6. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Well, I am here to tell you that there is help! I'm dreadfully sorry to hear of your circumstances: I sort of know the wretched pain; maybe not to your extent, as you seem to be a genuine musician (I am only pretending to be a music man!). As recently as late last spring, I wound up selling my one and only guitar for the very same reason you spoke of. Certainly I am not aware of your specific situation, and it is none of my business, but my point is this--it can all turn around quickly! You can to a certain degree make your own breaks. The love for the music, that passion to play the drums, it never goes away, unless you tell it to! I spent the past summer on daily rotations of demoing guitars at local shops, just as if I were a teenager (how pathetic, right?). But as devastating as that reality may have been, it kept the juices flowing, my creative juices were alive and I eventually forced myself into a better situation financially whereas I was able to go out and retain a very good guitar. And musically speaking, I'm as free as can be! In other words, I'm loving it & the joy is as it were when I was a boy! It sounds like you've got some solace in your church band. That is fantastic! Wear that option out. Exercise those artistic instincts & one day, perhaps much sooner than you'd now imagine, you can have your own setup again. Hey, I'm just saying, if I--the biggest screw up on the planet--can do it, so too can you! :)
     
  7. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Thanks MBG,

    I know....and there are possibilities...there are always possibilities. I just feel blah lately. Last night I checked the online sermon of last Sunday, and the band was on there. We dont normally show up on the sermon's but the Pastor broke into song and we backed him up. Now I know that the camera puts on weight, and I know when I look in the mirror, I dont see that guy I saw sitting behind those drums, but if everyone else see's that guy, then I have to no doubt be the ugliest drummer in the business. The only thing, is that the church has had 3 years to get used to me.

    So I start adding it up.
    Drums gone,
    One ugly SOB,
    money's gone, currently overdrawn AGAIN in my checking account.
    Wife and I are down to one car, MINE with 176,000 miles on it.
    Daughter's grown and son's mature enough to lead the family.
    Huge life insurance policy...

    I start thinking, that maybe a final exit isnt so bad afterall.
     
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2012
  8. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Oh almost forgot. Wife and I have grown apart. Sure we kiss each other goodnight, but we havent had sex in over a year. She wont even let me touch her, because it's been so long.

    I keep happily ignorantly going thru my life, and she lets shit brew inside her, until she let's it loose, and I get yelled at for days on end for whatever I did that was "wrong".

    Damn...I am such a pathetic excuse.
     
  9. letty

    letty Banned Member

    I am sorry for all the things your going through, I dont think the final exit is a good idea you never know whats around the corner.. a new set of drums..some extra money coming in..you and your wifes relationship becoming stronger. hang in there. dont give up.
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.