Hi, I've been a member here for a while now. Don't really contribute much, and I only come here periodically when I'm really fucked up. Can still remember almost all the times I've been here. I've had problems for quite som time now, and it started about three years from now. At times I get really depressed and suicidial, but sometimes I also get my better moments, where I have some hope for the future. Mostly the first one lately. Some months ago I was very close from commiting suicide, and last week again. Lately, when thinking of commiting suicide, I dont feel sad. Before, it was the opposite, but now I see it as something that has to be done. Last week, when sitting in my car, I was ready to die any moment. It was strange and I had mixed feelings. Sadly, without going into details, there was clearly something that went wrong, but I really thougt it was going happen this time. Anyway I decided to postpone it, and now I feel that the end is very near. At the moment I'm waiting for something that I feel is required to do it, and I should have it within a week or so. Don't know why I'm even bothering to post here. Noone of you care whether I live or die. I'm just another anonymous person that you'll never see. Your comments are also just empty words, with no meaning behind them.