I never knew i could hurt soo badly, hurt so much inside that i can physically feel it, today i've felt so shit, im emotionally drained and i have nothing else to give, i've held on soo long for everyone else, being here for everyone else, notfor me, i want out of my life and the people around me aren't letting me do it. Stay here for my family, how can i possibly put them thru any more pain than they've gone thru the past few years. My brother constanly causing shit, numerous threats of suicide and attempts. One of his attempts was when me him and my 9 yr old brother was in the house, my 17 yr old brother downed some pills, sceamed this house down in pain. i I'll never forget that day and i'll never forgive myself as long as i live this misreable life. As much as i hate him, i want him to be safe. Some of you might think that hate is a strong word but you havn't seen what i've seen caused in my family by him, he turned into my dad, my dad the one person i truely hate. I've never known pain like this, this whole week i've constantly felt like someones punched thru my chest and pulled my heart out. 4-5 days in a row i've selfed harmed, before this week it was a few times a month, why the hell am i doing this to myself, this week has got so outta hand and i don't know whats caused it. I'm done with life, my times come, i choose my time and i choose now, i have no reason to live right now, i'm done!