Another really sad dude

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SadDude87, Nov 30, 2007.

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  1. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    My life ... what a mess. I am happy that I did have good times, and have photos to prove it. But that was when I was just a boy. Now I am a man, a failure at that and there is no going back.

    I am suicidal, and it is all from shame. When I was young, I was in an accident that damaged my penis. I didn't get erections during the night, had trouble masturbating and there was no way I could have sex. This happened at about 13. As you can imagine it doesn't matter at that age, but as me and my friends grew older I was slowly left behind. I was too ashamed and humiliated to tell anyone, so I withdrew.

    Even with all this shit happening, I managed to get good enogh grades to make it to university. But at 19 I couldn't handle the social side of things anymore, the continual talk about sex, picking up girls etc when I knew I had never done it, and could never do it. So I gave up my place.

    Things then got worse. I didn't feel like a man. I never had done. So, I STUPIDLY had some plastic surgery done to make myself look more 'masculine'. Hey, if I couldn't be a man I wanted to atleast LOOK like I was one. Now all I have is a crooked chin that looks ridiculous, and thousands of dollars down the drain, no friends and no prospects for the future.

    Yep, I wanna die.
  2. pisces-music-girl

    pisces-music-girl Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF. It sounds like you're dealing with quite a lot... so if you want to get some things off your chest, my PM box is open whenever you need it.

    Take care and hold on tight.
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Being a female member, I don't know how much I can help, but I'm willing to listen if you need to talk.
  4. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    When was the last time you saw a doctor? They can do amazing things now. They can even give a woman a working penis, so there may still be hope for your condition. That being said, you are still perfectly capable of having a relatively normal relationship with a woman, and if you fall in love, that woman should be totally willing to accept your condition (if it is in fact permanent). Your condition is unfortunate, but I encourage you to look to the medical community for alternatives. Any interest in sharing your particular condition so that we can better understand what you are going through?
  5. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Hemingway's first book ("The Sun Also Rises") is about a guy that has a problem identical to yours. You might find something in that book. Hem's hero soldiered on and sought alternative pleasures like drinking, fishing and watching the bullfights.

    I hope you feel better tomorrow!
  6. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the responses. It is venous leakage, meaning one of my veins does not occlude and therefore leaks blood out instead of trapping it in. It is a huge vein so it completely wruins the whole erection mechanism.
    I am actually trying to find someone who can embolize the vein, and hopefully that will help.

    Thanks for the book I will definitely give it a read. I always managed to soldier on as a teen, because I felt like I had the future to look forward to - I was a huge optomist. But now that I am 20, I feel like my time has run out. Before I was atleast keeping up socially, now I am behind socially and sexually. I am really looking forward to reading that book, thanks.
  7. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    Hope to chat/talk with you sometime you seem very nice but quiet in chat. :)

    Sorry you had to join us on SF, but glad you found us.
  8. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    why do you wanna die bro ?

    just cuz you cant have sex ?

    well, you could get an implant and everything will be fine..

    But you must realize that sex, in and of itself, is a fairly empty act..If your true aim in life is to have orgasms then that is sad..the fullness of sex comes only through real love relationship..And the relationship is much, much more than sex. and guess what you can still love some one without having sex..because at the end of the day, sex is just many of the material pleasures that the world has to don't take any of this with you when you actually is not everything as the media today likes to portray..Telling some one that sex will set them free is one of the worst things I could do for anyone..It's causes amazing problems in their community...dont make small things like this the goal of your life..aim higher..
  9. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you should definitely be able to have this condition fixed through surgery. Just find the right doctor and stay hopeful!
  10. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    As a man sex is extremely important. Sex, the act itself may not be the most important thing in my life, but what stems from it is. What comes from it is a sense of confidence, satisfaction, contentment. Without it, around other males I am automatically at the bottom of the pecking order. I am a joke, and while this may pass, it has still stifled my sense of self. It is hard to make any kind of genuine male bond without being able to chat openly about sex, because that is the main thing that brings blokes together. And that is the truth. I used to just pretend, but I can't do it anymore. Peope are curious why I keep rejecting women, and now I am just seen as a joke.

    And with women, who wants to be with the dud root? Sure, as people become older it doesn't matter. But that is because they have been able to have fulfilling sex early in life with somebody, create a meaningful bond and then have one aspect of that bond taken away. I can't even create the inital bond. And even without finding love, the current social climate is of one night stands, drinking and drugs .... and without being able to conform to its standards my relationships with both men and women suffer.
  11. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    Well being from an Asian culture, I probably don't understand how things work in the west. But here, openly talking about sex is a taboo [ to some extent]. These things are embraced but its mostly the upper echelons of the society. The rest are just leading a simple, average life struggling to make their ends meet. So if some one was a virgin here, nobody makes an issue out of it. Its quite common. Im myself a virign and may be I remain the same way for my life unless I get married. I've seen people remaining bachelors throughout their life and nobody bothers.
  12. Dudly

    Dudly Well-Known Member

    You and I, SadDude87, were not much different. I have a similar problem to yours. Although a different way it happened to me. I was molested when I was very young and for some reason I was getting erections. Can you imagine? I never told anyone about this. I didnt understand when I was young, didnt know why or what it was. When I found out, I masturbated alot. Oh how I waited for the day when I could expierience sex. But then in high school I started to go placid. I kept up a good attitude and tried to enjoy life. I always day dream to escape reality because it just plain sucks. However eventually I had to face the situation I was in. I know how it feels when The Guys talk about sex. You cant relate with them. Its depressing because you know your being denied. One time The Guys tried to hire an escort for me. They were paying. The only catch: they got to watch. I declined and they seriously doubted my sexuality. Your situation is worse but I feel I can still relate. Everyone has similar attributes but they also have different ones too. The best thing to do in this kind of tough life is stand tall with your head up and have a good attitude because you Only get one life. Maybe we can talk?
  13. incombustible2000

    incombustible2000 Well-Known Member

    a lot of girls would really appreciate a guy that does not try to get right on it, and maybe medical field can help now just look on the internet and do not give up twenty is still very young... and its not everything, only if you think it is. Try to interest yourself in other things, maybe you can find enjoyment, if you think its huge it will be huge, if you try and make the best with what you have, and stop caring what people think..... thats the worst thing you could do, maybe moving somewhere else, and making new friends who do not know about your disorder, you do not owe anything to anyone, and you friends only know what you tell them, and it might be nice to make some female friends, there are lots of females that will spend time with you and they will not talk about sex or picking up girls all the time like guys do, you choose who you have in your life, and if they are going to cause you to feel negative you do not have to hang around them, and yes girls will love that you are not trying to get any.... a lot of girls would really respect that, and when the time is right and you really trust someone you can explain the situation to the person who deserves your trust, and is not going to use it against you. You are abvously smart, and people will pick on your weak point and obviously this is your weak point. So do not take it personally or act like this is your fault it is not your fault, you feel bad for something you cannot change.... like feeling bad that you wherent born with the right color of eyes or something, you have to stop feeling guilty, and take control of the things you can control, you have control over your thoughts, and you can choose to not let this ruin you. You choose to be negative or positive......... and I am sure someday things will go your way. You are only twenty still very young... good luck
  14. SadDude87

    SadDude87 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the responses. It is hard to keep going but I am.

    I don't know if anyone else feels like this, but what makes things harder for me is that I aimed so high. Too high. I had huge aspirations for the future and now they are all completely gone.

    For someone to have aimed so high yet be so low ... it is crushing, especially since I was CONVINCED as a kid I'd be successful. I didn't fall asleep last night, and for the first time had a genuine urge to kill myself, not just thoughts ... it was physical, my heart was racing, I was sweating, my stomach felt sickly warm and I couldn't stop pacing back and forward until finally the morning broke me out of my trance.

    I hope I never have to feel that again.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2007
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