another reason to stay...unfortunately.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by riz, Dec 17, 2007.

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  1. riz

    riz Senior Member

    We were in a circle.
    They were laughing and joking about it.
    Sorry, but I don't see it as a laughing matter.
    Maybe it's just me.

    "I think if I were to try, I'd prolly just cut
    until I was freaked out then I'd just be bleeding for no reason."

    Yeah. That's what you sounded like.
    Why is that hilarious?

    I just kept laughing
    til it didn't hurt.

    "You know. Another reason you're alone is the weight thing.
    I mean, I talk from experience. Don't get me wrong.
    But you're going to be that girl that falls for the 50 year old
    because you need a male role model in your life."

    What? Why would you even say that to me?

    I know a girl with cuts on her legs
    I think that she hates the way she was made
    But we never spoke of why they were there
    I just squeezed them and kissed them
    Until we both felt a bit better.

    If I didn't just waste a bunch of hard earned cash on the coolest tattoo ever, I would be dead. I need a little more time to show my friends. Maybe right after that, I'll be ready.

    I'm going to kill myself.
    Sorry. But what should I do? Lie?

  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Hey riz I don't know what to say your pain seems so strong. But I do want you to know I'm here if you need to get things off your chest or just want to chat. Pm me
  3. alice0705

    alice0705 Well-Known Member

    My Mom used to say mean things to me. It gets better the older you get as you are more able to get out from the thumb so to speak. Just remember you are free to be someone besides the person she is painting for you!

    I love tattoos. What did you get?
  4. Beattles

    Beattles Well-Known Member

    never lie. it hammers the iron bars into shape which our emotions and fears build prisons out of.
  5. riz

    riz Senior Member

    Well, as for my tattoo, I got the phrase,

    Aut viam inveniam aut faciam

    tattooed on my wrist. It's Latin for "I will either find my way or make my own." It's probably the one thing I've been certain of my whole life. If things don't work out for me, then I have to take matters into my own hands. It cost me $80...and that's sad because just the other day, my mom had to donate her plasma just to have enough money to feed my little brothers. Then I go out and pay that much just to cut some more into my body. There's a little bit of guilt in this tattoo as well. Just the way I like it, I suppose.

  6. Wierd

    Wierd Well-Known Member

    Here's an idea.

    I've recently got over my suicidal inclinations by learning to enjoy my emotional pain. I stared my pain in the face, laughed inside, and thought: "You are amusing. Trying to get me to commit suicide with these things you call 'feelings' - you think you have that much power over me? I will just enjoy the variety you bring to my life instead."

    So basically I enjoy my negative feelings like one enjoys a movie or book, except with a more active role. I still enjoy positive feelings more, and even though I have a diminished sense of the consequences, it is still there, so I don't go around looking for trouble (unless there's a reason). But when negative emotions come, I enjoy them, but still act in some way.

    What keeps me from putting down this book? I have not yet experienced everything, in other words - curiosity. I am sure you will be able to find some things, anything, in life that will bring you some feeling. Feel it and have fun!

    P.S. In your last post you said "There's a little bit of guilt in this tattoo as well. Just the way I like it, I suppose. " <- you already have a little bit of a knack for it
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 18, 2007
  7. alice0705

    alice0705 Well-Known Member

    Nice post. Thanks wierd.
  8. Wierd

    Wierd Well-Known Member

    thanks, I hope you are implying it helped :D
  9. alice0705

    alice0705 Well-Known Member

    Yes, very much!! I really liked it-very thought-provoking and helped me where I am right now.

  10. riz

    riz Senior Member

    Thank you weird. That's probably the easiest thing for me to understand right now. I have been using my negative feelings to better myself all along. I mean, that's what my tattoo really means to me, right? If I don't get something right, then I have to push through it.

    It really helps that you were able to put that out there for me like that. Thank you. It means more than you know.

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