another seemingly half-hearted attempt

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by belletone, Nov 10, 2010.

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  1. belletone

    belletone Active Member

    Hi all,

    Two days ago I tried to kill myself xxx but it hurt too much, and after multiple tries I gave up, thinking "wow, I'm failing at this too?!" The wounds don't look that bad or deep, which is good in a sense.

    Anyway, this is my second attempt. The first time barely even counts, I feel, because I got myself really drunk and then tried to run from a friend's apartment xxx , hoping to get run over. There have never been any meticulous plans and notes, only lots and lots of thoughts, most of which I've resisted acting upon.

    Anyway, I'm worried that the people I go to for support (besides my psychologist) won't understand that I WAS serious about killing myself in the heat of the moment, and the hours/days leading up to each attempt. Its this sort of strange feeling of perfectionism and self-contempt over my attempts not fitting the classic examples, and their seemingly half-heartedness being seen as proof that I acted with the intention of drawing attention, not offing myself. Does anyone know what I mean?

    I'm just worried that friends and teachers I confide in won't really believe me, but obviously won't tell me to my face. Like if I show anyone the xxx, they'll think to themselves "oh, they aren't that deep, so she must not have been THAT serious." No, actually it really hurt and was ineffective to use xxxx...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2010
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    it does not matter what they thing it is what youknow and you know you need help so go to hospital and get some help okay for you
     
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