another space alien from ancient future

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Solstadius, Dec 18, 2012.

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  1. Solstadius

    Solstadius Member

    Or just all that is. Gentle wind kissing the awakening sun fields are breathing early in the morning no one's around. Gathering dust by blowing yourself into it. Do you rise. Do you rise again. She asks but doesn't show herself never before turning to night. Again.

    Hi. I'm 21. Male. Never felt suicidal before. Just numb. Didn't even noticed I was depressed. It changed almost 5 months ago from now.

    Had a beautiful childhood. Too sensitive I am. Seeing the beautiful boy inside of me he speaks me all the time. I want to kiss him on a forehead and make him really feel no pain. But you know it doesn't go away never if he don't realise to grab my arm and walk me out of oblivion I live.
    I'm no mother to teach him that.

    It was all okay at school. Never been bullied had the friends. Just being too sensitive I never got the point to fight and into a daydream I flew.
    Maybe it's time to fight now for me. Not cool.

    But this world was cool no girl ever did had there a room. I only saw the frames of them. Skating and cinema and holding hands. I really didn't know it's all for young if learning to love. I wanted it bigger and give them all the stars I saw and see. I didn't find anyone. It seemed I've built a world of too large to give them castles and hills and lakes and butterflies just for fun. And I didn't want to just feel good I wanted to save the whole world.

    But it wasn't the case. It was much later when she came. First woman ever I saw. The one who's capable to wonder all the places I imagined for good. I never touched her. I was enchanted for too long. Also she made me realized it's been like 9 years since I'm here again. But from where and what's here. The child doesn't remember.

    She gave back my wings. I took it too literally and now I'm slowly flying away. Or not. From time to time I see it from their eyes. They don't have a heart to call that beautiful innocent swallow for them to swing.

    Anyway I was heavily influenced by drugs for last two years. It was the one thing too to bring me back to live. Even had the visions. Saw purification of Jesus twice. Saw the great Goddess of sky whom you can easily relate to Ancient-Egypt Goddess Hathor. Became one with the swallows when running the fields. Also saw three highly intelligent aliens. I was lying on table and they planted a seed in my brain. It felt real good I take them as brothers. When I woke up I felt like something really was planted to my brain and now for the first time I can make it. Oh and I saw that great golden white light which is undescribable but many times described as thousand of Suns together. That light you are supposed to see when you'll die. It was the greatest relief. But still reminded to catch it in life with work and love.

    And now 5 months in this everyday real world is getting harder by day to day. Only way to go back is to go back forever.
    And still come back as a swallow. Or love or light or heat or whatever.

    I don't take it too seriously there's still hope. I don't see it at the moment but I hope there is. And as I felt numb many years I didn't felt my senses are so numb like now. They say if you can't stand the pain you're senseless. So it's makes me to think. I still can stand but we'll see.

    Anyway say Hi to me, perhaps suggest some good books you like. Can be depressive reading too.
    I like all the life. Music, myths, nature, cinema, all the other arts, starts too there's really no finish for the list. I hope to get back and go to study chemistry or dramaturgy maybe. I don't know truly.

    You can message me about anything but from time to time you'll find mistakes from what I write I'm still learning.

    Made me feel better to write here.
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Sol, and welcome to SF - enjoyed reading your post. Feelings are precious things and our imagination and sensibilities also, as they strive towards the light, seeking equilibrium and harmony, understanding, peace and joy. What do you mean by "purification of Jesus" exactly?

    Catching the pure white light in our temporal life is the challenge. We can live out of the higher realm, for sure. I am sure that is what we all seek - we just have to come to an applied understanding of how to do it :)
  3. Solstadius

    Solstadius Member

    Well. I cannot explain it exactly as feelings through visions are something beyond the words and English isn't my native language. Though I can understand well my vocabulary isn't that much I need.
    Anyway. From one vision, it wasn't that clear, it was from trance like stand and I can't recall anything. I didn't write about it anywhere and now I just remember it was there. Which is sad because I was so busy with lust and myself and pain I didn't noticed the message. Well if there's one. I don't know. I don't have strict beliefs for what's happening on the other side. It can be my subconsciousness which has stored all these myths from evolving millions of years and it can be aliens and it can be God and can be all of that together. I don't know.
    From the other vision what I can recall is that it was like some cosmic age between asleep and awakening. And I saw a man who clearly wasn't me but he was alone inside all of these colours flashing around him. Something from me connected to it but it was some real pure part of me which I instantly recognized was not from my blood which goes back thousand and thousand of years. It didn't born with me. It was the energy of creative consciousness and I recognized this man too but not only as a consciousness as from myself but with his whole body he was not born from source where lays bloodline. Yeah cannot say it was what we mean by Jesus but Jesus would be the best to shortly describe that feeling I think. And after that I felt that I really is another and felt strong unity with all of the life. Also I felt that I had received deeper forgiveness for myself for the things that are here with life but always can't depend only from me but still can make me mad and sad because we people are so much related. These visions really helped me to root down my source of any anger I've ever had.

    About the pure white light a big part of me believes that actually we all are that light and I think this is what makes it the challenge. We need to find ourselves but as we all in this forum perhaps know it's one of the hardest things in life with all this going on.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just want to say hi welcome you to SF hun h ugs
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    interesting, will reply later - out of time now
  6. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    WOW - that was some vision you had and experience of the collective unconscious and how we are all, indeed, interconnected parts of God's creation. Brings it all to life, what the Bible says about Jesus Christ as being "in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was God" (John 1) and that nothing was made without him - ..... to those who received him he gave power to become children of God. etc.

    I agree, we are all on the journey towards finding our true self, and this can take us through many trials and tribulations and dead ends. :) Receiving deep forgiveness and knowing that you've received this from God, is wonderful :)
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