Whereas I am on the long road out, probably a couple more months, I am making progress towards the end goal. Last week I purchased a "device", and after the mandatory state waiting period, I was able to pick it up today. It is actually quite a scary little device, so I intend to go to a practice range a couple times just to get comfortable with it. There is also the reality now that I have the full power to end my life whenever I wish to now. Somehow I just need to tell someone to get this off my chest, which is why I am posting this. I still hope something will happen in the next couple months to turn around my feeling towards this, but in the meanwhile, I will stay on plan. -Yada.