its now been around 10 weeks or so since i started on this latest struggle. sorry if my timings dont make sense, ive lost track of days, weeks and months. i was doing well, feeling well, the meds were working, finally. i had been doing well for a few weeks or so, and it started. i was forgetting my meds the odd day, feeling better, thinking i didnt need them i dont know. then i stopped taking them altogether, my mental state declined quickly. i was thinking about alcohol more and more, then it happened, i had a drink, and another and it got out of control very quickly. something clicked and i called someone i knew could help, she recommended alcohol counselling. ive now seen my counsellor 3 times, (i think) and im triggered so much but i need to keep going, i have to if im to get back to where i was. ive isolated, ive bitched and pushed people away, i dont deserve help. im not helping myself enough so why should anyone else want to help. i continue to find myself in this fucking pit with little hope of escape. again and again i fail. again and again i completely fuck my life up, blah.