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Another stupid thing I've done :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by goodbyebluesky, Jan 22, 2012.

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  1. Last night was another long night of drinking to cover up these horrible feelings that don't seem to go away. I am well aware that it is self destructive and in no way helping my situation, and why I continue to choose the bottle over other alternatives is an issue that really needs to be addressed. I went to the bar with my two closest friends, and as we got drunk I started to have your typical humiliating night. The whole shebang: Flirting with every guy, dancing around like a sorostitute, even with my best guy friend. I tried to kiss him. And even tried to come on to him with my other best friend (who is female). And he has a girlfriend whom I respect. Then we got home and I started crying and carrying on about God knows what. (At least I saved the crying spell for after being in public). I left their house feeling like crap.. and I got in the shower today and did something I haven't done since high school and cut the sh*t out of my leg. I don't know why, but an impulse just came over me and it felt oddly good to do it..

    And now I'm back to feeling like I want all this to end. I made a fool of myself... I know they are my best friends and they understand these things happen sometimes but good lord. It's humiliating. I want to disappear today. :sigh:
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 22, 2012
  2. Stripes

    Stripes Member

    Hey, sorry you've been through that, i can totally relate - i've done plenty of similar things in my past. Now I am on my way to getting past self destructive self abusive things with the help of a great therapist - there are many paths you can take to help you too. You are in my thoughts and I wish you well. Let me know if you want to chat further if you think I can help.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I'm sorry to hear things aren't going too well for you. I can kinda relate, sometimes I drink to mask how I'm feeling, but I usually end up being more depressed afterwards. I know I'm self-destructive even if it is bad for me. Sometimes we don't act like ourselves when we're drunk and people will understand that. Sorry that you cut yourself...it can be hard to control, like when I hurt myself I just think about how I want to feel better, and I guess hurting myself is a distraction from the feelings. I hope that things will get better for you soon.
  4. I haven't cut myself since I was 14. I don't think I understood back then why people did it. But now I do. It felt relieving to do it, but right afterwords I felt bad again.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    Sometimes you can feel bad after you do it, usually I feel guilty if I hurt myself. But I think it's sometimes necessary in a way.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun it was not you okay it was alcohol that was doing the foolish things Please hun reach out for help next time if you can okay don't get back into sh it just is not worth it hugs
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