I am getting sick of school... sicker of going through this cycle every time. I have pulled through before... but im sick of even trying. If I am taking only 1 class I should be getting an EASY A. I thought I would be working but that fell through... as does everything else good in my life. Maybe I pull through... maybe I get an A... or maybe I fail and finally get motivated to get myself out of this cycle and *voluntary censor method* out of it... I have come to the conclusion that the life that would make me happy is reserved for those with a better set of genetics. I could deal with the fact i will never get married... I can deal with the fact I will never be able to form close friends if I felt I could accomplish something... hard work does not do shit if your genetics disagree with what you want. I guarantee that when Payton Manning first threw a football it went somewhere close to his target. (bad example because he is a Piece of shit human being). When Jon Jones first threw a punch, it could have hurt someone... hard work for those with talent leads to being the best... hard work for me leads to adequacy if that. All I ever wanted to be was the best... the best athlete, the best student... whatever just the best at something. I am losing any motivation to go on... every damned day I have to work I get triggered... every damned day I have to do chores around the house with my relatives shitty tools I get triggered... every damned day I go to school and struggle despite not even taking a full load I get triggered. I am hopeless... I will never be happy... Maybe I pull through this with an A and use that as reason to go on... but even so I will be in no better of a position. sorry to dump my problems on you guys who have real problems.