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another useless vent

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by total eclipse, Dec 7, 2009.

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  1. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    so daughter going away another treatment on wed so i really don't give a dam anymore i don't care and if she screws up don't call me because i won't be here
    i am so worn out but what else is new i amto point of cracking but who cares
    i hate this time year i hate that nothing changes oh god i can feel it all starting over again i know its coming and i don't want to be here for it. i want out iwant to be gone you give and give and gvie yet n o returns i hate she doesn't give a dam she just won't stop until she kills me I understand now i do she just won't stop
  2. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Hi Violet,

    I'm sorry your daughter is giving you such a tough time. Did something specific happen or did she do something that made you feel this way?

    Here if you want to talk. All the best! :hug:

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    she thinks im stupid i don';t see she knows i lived with addicts alcoholics she knows yet she thinks she is being so dam smart i know she is using i know and i don't give a shit anymore. she goes away on wed and a good thing because i too point where i just want to take her any hurt her like she has hurt me time and time again i hate all of this i can't keep going like this please god i can't
    Max i wish i was gone i do i wish i was dead i can't do this i can't she hurts me time and time again please i tried todo everything right after wed i don't care what happens merry christmas right just t he same old shit all over again she just doesn't give a dam Off to yet another dam appt with her and whats use she lies she doesn't care nor do i
  4. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry Violet, I truly am. I know the holidays can be tough, especially with something like this. You've done wonderfully well so far, and you can only do so much. Don't measure your efforts by her successes. Unfortunately in life we don't always get back what we put in.

    But you have to hold on. Persistance is key to beat this thing. But you have to take care of yourself as well and not just focus on your daughter's problems. You have to keep moving forward so that your daughter can follow you.

    Does your daughter have a addicts companion (sorry, forgot what they're called) that can help you look after her?
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    she has me me the social worker talks to her her mental health nurse will be in tomorrow she goes to yet another treatment plan on wed I am not going to be here when they call and say she has screwed up again i am NOT going to be the one to pick up pieces again NOOOOO not me no I hate her i hate me i hate the whole ffff world and god knows i have done everything to help her but i am done now i will take her to her program on wed then i am done I going to call work now and just cancel and say i won't be in i am to exhausted to even care even more i wish her well in her program but i won't be here this time when she screws up i have had enough.
  6. Silvio

    Silvio Well-Known Member

    Hi violet, you seem like a wonderful mother, you have aided and been there for your daughter countless of times, whereas I'm guessing most mothers would have given up a lot sooner.
    Both you and your daughter have had a tremendous amount of stress and I don't think your at fault, you've done all you can.
    I tend to think everybody are sadists, if somebody is in pain or losing mental and emotional stability, they will automatically be viewed as more submissive and weaker. You must show calmness in her presence, to do this I would suggest you to be very cynical and expect the worst of your daughter the next time you see her. Be there for her and when she hurls any criticism or blames you in anyway, just be unaffected (the cynicism prepares you for this.) I'm not sure if you argue or criticise, but I find that it would just make people worse, if you point out their shortcomings, instead ask her questions for self-analysis in a calm manner, Why are YOU feeling like this?, What would make YOU happier?, What do YOU not like at the moment? etc. and imagine that asking her these questions would bring out the best person she can possibly be. What has always worked for me is visualisation, just lie comfortably somewhere, picture the scenario in your head.... how would your daughter be like? how can you best react in that situation and be in control? It's like a fake life-simulator and you can use this technique as many times as you wish, it has worked for me and hopefully I hope it works for you.
    I really hope you don't commit suicide, there are not that many mothers who would go this far for their children and it also sounds like you have had a rough past. Sorry if I have not been much help.
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I have tried so hard to understand her to keep calm but she sabatages everything using again knowing she is going into treatment she only cares about her so be it i pray this treatment works for her because i will not be here i won't not this time im too tired i wish her the best thats all i can do for her now as i have no more to give.
  8. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Violet, I understand. After all your daughter has put you through, it is completely understandable. May I reiterate an old request that you get some help for yourself now. Maybe its time to let your daughter try to stand on her own two feet and see the bad choices she is making for herself. Sometimes in life things have to get worse before they get better and sometimes unfortunately parents can't do anything but watch. I admire you for your sacrifices and courage you've shown for all the time I've known you. But its time you got the treatment you deserved and not what you're daughter is giving you. Please don't misunderstand this - I'm NOT saying you should abandon your daughter. I'm just saying you should focus a bit more on yourself right now, to keep yourself going and later when your back on your feet again, you can be there for her once more.

    I sincerely hope you figure this out. All the best!

  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i am sorry for my post i am find now i was just tired so i want to say thankyou for your support everyone but i will be okay now My daughter health will always come first somehow she will learn she will change she will get well somehow thanks again sorry for my weakness i have busy day today so don't worry things will get done everything will be alright
  10. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    I'm glad you're feeling better Violet. And you're certainly not weak, just a little overwhelmed. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - you're daughter is extremely lucky to have someone like you in her life. Just try to find some time for yourself through all of this as well.

    And as always I'm here if you need to talk. Don't apologize for speaking your mind. That's what we're here for, isn't it? :smile:

    All the best for you and your daughter!

  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

  12. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Violet,
    Do they have a dual diagnosis residential program there.. The one here works on addictions and mental health issues..Maybe check around and find out if they have one or even just a mental health residential program.. It would give you time for yourself..
    I agree that you need some counseling also.. This all has taken a tole on you..You need the time to get yourself straight...PM me anytime, I am usually on line in the AM..Sometimes I pop on in the afternoon but I try to limit my time because I don't want to get burned out again,..,.Take Care!!!
  13. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    i totally agree on the way
  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    He stranger1 she is going to stat program substance abuse and trauma the one my twin went to. I don't know just tired thats all I never yell at her never raise my voice just walk away keep quiet she yells but i just walk away i think maybe if i can after tomorrow i will try to just sleep i really need to sleep god im tired everything will be okay tomorrow she is gone tomorrow oh i wish it was all over i just am tired thanks for all your comments and advice take care.
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