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another year almost past..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by emily83, Aug 11, 2013.

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  1. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    so another year's almost past (we're in august now) and i'm in exactly the same place as i was this time last year, the year before that, etc.... my worst fear has been realised- and i don't like it.

    and before someone says to me, well then... if you don't like it, do something about it- change your life for the better, i would do that... but i'm not even sure of what direction to go anymore- and even if it's worth my time being here. for too many years now i've suffered a lot (physical and mental), lost a lot of support... or at least, the little support i had to start with (which was never much,) and most of all, it feels like i've lost the ability to think.... i know that sounds weird, but it's so true!. i feel like i've lost the ability to steer myself in a direction- does that make sense?

    i know that it sounds strange.. but it's the only way i can describe it- and my feelings.

    not sure what i want... someone to listen to me, encouragement, people's experiences, what ever..... hell, i don't even know what i want (i have to even question why i'm posting my own post). it's stupid really

    i just can't see why i'm here.... if things were destined to get better, well, their's been a lot of years for that to happen and it hasn't.... so...
  2. darkdays

    darkdays Active Member

    Emily83, I too know what it,s like to feel as though you can't think. In my case it is bad memory-lifelong-and a big ol' heapin' helpin' of psych meds. May I ask if you're on anything? Because certain drugs can have a big impact on our cognitive abilities. A for steering yourself, when you can,t make any big course corrections, make lots of small ones.
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I would recommend perhaps putting a list of things that you know you have done. Then look at things you haven't done - and maybe you might start discovering a passion for something you didn't know you ever could have had.

    > taking lyrics from the song that describes most of what I want from life...

  4. mbczion

    mbczion Well-Known Member

    Maybe decide to try ONE thing new, whether it's running, painting, joining a reading club, a martial art, or some other past time. It is amazing how just taking up one new thing can make a difference.
  5. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member


    thanks for the replies, everyone.

    do you want me to be honest?

    when i posted this, i thought about deleting it straight away... i thought i'd get bashed for some unknown reason

    but you all have good ideas- fighting_the_tide, very inspirational post as usual- i love the idea about making a list of stuff i've done.. experiences i've had, etc. i may start on that tonight

    darkdays, i've been on most things under the sun.. with nothing helping yet. right now i'm on a lot too, but it's just the same.. not really any deecent results.
  6. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    It's not just remembering things you've done that helps, it's that you know you're capable. When your capabilities are frustrated by the ever-unpredictable failure, it can become very painful, very quickly.

    Others talking to you is never going to be enough. It's whenever you let yourself say what you feel, and this community listens attentively to everything you say. That's why we're here. Deleting your post would have been a terrible mistake, and you would have only felt worse off for it. Just as bad, we would have all been ignorant of what's going on in your head that causes you so much distress, and then powerless to just do something as simple as to say we're here, and we're listening.

    Heck, I've deleted my fair share of thoughts before because I was afraid of how others would react. I've been guilty of it...well, a lot of times.
  7. solutions

    solutions Well-Known Member

    Eep. Accidental double-post. Is there a way to delete this?
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