I've really been trying to improve my life, but I am only capable of so much and I'm really dreading what 2013 will bring. I don't want to end up as depressed as i was before and take an overdose, I plan to do it in a more violent and messy manner next time anyway. I really have nothing to carry on for except my parents but they're getting sick of me now and I'm causing them stress by not being able to get work again or move out and find someone ect. I'm just an embarrassment to myself and my family. I shouldn't be in this position at my age! I feel so hollow and empty, at least if I had someone in my life to love and touch I'd feel this existence was less of a hell for me. But I'm in no position to attract anyone as even a friend. I just want the pain to go away, to be nothing would be freedom and liberation.